Guest: Jane Brownbill

Welcome to Episode 20 of the Leadership Confidence Podcast with special guest Jane Brownbill. Jane is a coach, the founder of See Yourself, and the President of Canberra Women in Business. She has built communities like NextGen Leaders and NeuroGenTech Hub to support young adults and neurodivergent professionals in finding meaningful work and connection.

We discuss why true leadership is a practice rather than a position on an organisational chart. Jane outlines her straightforward approach to building teams, explaining why hiring people smarter than you is a requirement for growth. We also cover the reality of performative leaders, who use their titles to keep others down rather than lifting them up. This conversation will challenge you to drop the need for control, accept that perfection is unattainable, and focus on trusting the people around you. Confidence and good leadership come from within and learning from mistakes is part of the process.

Key Takeaways

• Ditching the title: Leadership has absolutely nothing to do with an award or a job title. It is about trusting your own ability and standing up for your values. When you rely on external validation or a title to dictate your authority, you lose your authentic presence.

• Radical delegation: Stop rewriting your team’s work to match your exact style. If you expect a different person to execute a task exactly the way you would have, you set everyone up for failure. Give people responsibility, trust them to deliver, and take accountability as the leader if things go wrong.

• Creating space for neurodiversity: Building an environment where neurodivergent individuals can lean into their unique genius proves that accommodating different working styles strengthens the business. It allows team members to stop masking and start contributing their actual value.

• Finding your tribe: You cannot build resilience in a vacuum. Put yourself in the room, go to networking events, and figure out where you fit. A strong community provides the support you need to navigate inevitable career setbacks.

• The one networking tactic you need: If networking triggers your imposter syndrome, use this physical positioning strategy. Stand near the exit of the bar. When people walk into an event, their goal is to get a drink. Once they receive it and turn away from the bar, they have completed their task and are actively looking for someone to talk to. This is the exact moment to make your introduction.

Links and Resources

Jane Brownbill

• Connect with Jane: LinkedIn

• See Yourself website: seeyourself.net

• Canberra Women in Business: cwb.org.au

Jennifer Cowley

• Book an Imposter Syndrome Reset Session: Jennifercowley.com/reset

• Watch or Listen to Previous Episodes: jennifercowley.com/podcast

• Connect with Jennifer: LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube

• Shop Clothing for Professional Women: Peakwomen.com.au

We explore why achieving a major career milestone often triggers intense feelings of inadequacy. Success pushes you out of your comfort zone and signals to your brain that you are in new and unpredictable territory. I walk you through the exact strategy I use to process this discomfort in real time. This conversation will help you understand that self-doubt is actually a sign of leadership growth, and it provides a practical framework to stop your inner critic from holding you back.

Key Takeaways

• The reality of success: Major achievements trigger your brain’s fear response because they push you into the unknown. Feeling uncomfortable means you are learning and challenging yourself, not that you are a fraud.

• Imposter syndrome versus the Dunning-Kruger effect: Highly capable leaders frequently experience self-doubt because they are self-aware. Incompetent individuals often lack this awareness and drastically overestimate their abilities. Your willingness to question your competence is proof of your dedication to your professional growth.

• The Imposter Syndrome Reset: You can manage negative self-talk using a clear three-step framework. Reflect on your specific negative thoughts, reframe them with objective facts, and react by taking confident action in the real world.

• Owning your achievements: Stop downplaying your hard work to make other people comfortable. When someone congratulates you on a job well done, do not dismiss the praise. Simply say thank you and accept the recognition you have earned.

Links and Resources

• Book an Imposter Syndrome Reset Session: Jennifercowley.com/reset

• Watch or Listen to Previous Episodes: jennifercowley.com/podcast

• Connect with Jennifer: LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube

• Shop Clothing for Professional Women: Peakwomen.com.au

Many professional women begin their leadership journeys with a rigid framework of right and wrong. We believe that if we have the correct data, the most logical argument, and the clearest vision, our teams will naturally fall into line. We operate under the assumption that being right is the exact same thing as being a leader. This is a fundamental misunderstanding of how professional influence actually works.

When you rely solely on your own intellect to drive a team forward, you will inevitably hit a wall. You become frustrated when others do not grasp the overarching vision as quickly as you do. You start to view disagreement as a lack of capability rather than a difference in perspective. This rigid mindset limits your authority and isolates you from the very people you are supposed to guide. True leadership does not live in black and white certainties. It lives in the grey areas.

In Episode 18 of the Leadership Confidence Podcast, I sat down with Elizabeth Lee MLA. Elizabeth is a Member of the Legislative Assembly in the Australian Capital Territory and the former leader of the Canberra Liberals. She brings a wealth of experience from her time as a lawyer, an academic, and a political leader. During our conversation, Elizabeth shared a profound reflection on how her leadership style has evolved over a decade in the public eye. She realised that having the right answer can be meaningless if you cannot bring people on the journey with you.

The Trap of Right and Wrong

In the early stages of our careers, we are rewarded heavily for our technical expertise. We are promoted because we know the answers and can execute tasks flawlessly. As you transition into senior leadership, the rules of the game change completely. Your primary job is no longer to be the smartest person in the room. Your job is to align diverse groups of people toward a shared, strategic outcome.

Elizabeth reflected openly on this shift during our interview. She admitted that early in her leadership, she was deeply earnest about her convictions. She knew what she believed was right for her party, her constituents, and her city. However, she learned a hard lesson about the limitations of simply being correct.

“I think in the beginning I was very earnest about what was right and what was wrong and I had very clear views about that,” Elizabeth explained. “I think that what I’m learning about leadership now is that there are grey patches and grey areas and that as much as you absolutely believe that this is the right path, if you haven’t done the work to get people to invest in it and be accountable for it, it’s very difficult to take people on the journey with you.”

This is a critical insight for any leader looking to expand her influence. When you push for a specific decision, no matter how much you believe it is objectively the right one, you might win the immediate debate, but it can weaken the long-term commitment of your team. Everyone needs to feel heard and valued, no matter what their views. If you ignore the grey areas where compromise and conversation happen, you are managing by force. You are not leading by influence.

When Your Superpower Becomes a Blind Spot

To navigate these grey areas effectively, you must clearly understand the unique value you bring to the table. Every leader has a specific genius. For some, it is strategic foresight. For others, it is high emotional intelligence or the ability to network and connect disparate groups of people.

Elizabeth identified her unique strengths early on, thanks to an observation from her father. She possesses an incredibly sharp memory and the ability to read and process information at a rapid pace. In the high-pressure environment of politics and law, this is a distinct advantage. Being able to digest briefs quickly and recall facts accurately during debates gave Elizabeth a competitive edge. However, an unexamined strength can quickly become a leadership liability. When you excel in a specific area, you naturally assume others can operate at the exact same level. If you process information instantly, you become impatient with colleagues who need time to reflect. If you are a visionary thinker, you become frustrated with team members who get bogged down in operational details.

This is where many capable women stumble. We expect our teams to mirror our own working styles and output speeds. When they do not, we label them as difficult or incompetent. True leadership requires you to recognise your unique value while simultaneously respecting the diverse strengths of those around you. You must learn to temper your expectations and create psychological safety for people who move through the professional world differently than you do.

“I had always prided myself on being able to identify the strengths of everyone. That is what makes a strong team, because you bring all of that together as a person who connects people. But reflecting on my experiences over the last couple of years, I realise I could have done that better. I could have taken a bit more time to identify people’s strengths and been more open about sharing the wins.”

Acknowledging this gap is not a failure. It is the hallmark of a self-aware leader. When you stop treating team development as a corporate tick-box exercise, you stop projecting your own working style onto others. Genuinely validating the diverse strengths around you builds deep trust. It proves to your team that you see them for who they are,rather than judging them for how closely they mirror your own pace. This level of authentic curiosity is the bridge between managing a group of people and actually leading them.

Lean into Persuasive Listening

To build this kind of inclusive, influential leadership, you need a practical mechanism. You cannot simply tell yourself to be more patient. You must change how you physically and mentally interact with your team during moments of friction.

This brings us to the concept of the balcony and the dance floor. The dance floor is the daily grind. It is the flooded inbox, the urgent meetings, and the tactical execution of daily tasks. When you are on the dance floor, your vision is limited to the people immediately bumping into you. It is loud, chaotic, and highly reactive.

The balcony represents strategic oversight. When you step onto the balcony, you elevate yourself above the noise. You can observe the patterns of behaviour within your team. You can see who is struggling, who is disconnected, and where the interpersonal roadblocks lie.

When you face resistance from a team member, your immediate instinct will be to stay on the dance floor and argue your point. You will want to rely on your unique superpowers to prove that you are right and they are wrong. You must resist this urge. Instead, pause the debate and shift your goal entirely. Stop trying to win the argument. Start trying to understand their perspective.

Ask an open question about their concerns and then remain completely silent. This is persuasive listening. You are not listening to formulate your rebuttal. You are listening to uncover the hidden motivations driving their pushback. Do they feel overworked. Are they lacking the technical skills to execute the plan. Do they have a valid piece of historical context that you completely missed because you were moving too fast.

By taking the time to understand their perspective, you validate their experience. You move the conversation out of the rigid black and white and into the grey area where real collaboration happens. You influence them not by dominating the conversation, but by demonstrating that their input matters to the final outcome.

Enjoying the Dance Floor

While the balcony is essential for strategic thinking and persuasive listening, you cannot live there permanently. A leader who refuses to step onto the dance floor becomes disconnected, aloof, and out of touch with the reality of the work.

You will inevitably get dragged back down into the tactical chaos of your organisation. When this happens, do not view it as a failure of your leadership or a breakdown of your boundaries. Accept it as a necessary part of the role.

As Elizabeth brilliantly advised during our chat, you need to maintain a sense of perspective and joy in your work.

“As much as people do encourage you to get on the balcony, if you do find yourself on the dance floor, make sure that you have a great time.”

Do not let the pursuit of perfect leadership strip the enjoyment from your career. Connect with your team. Get involved in the intricate details when a crisis demands it. Have a boogie on the dance floor before stepping back up to the balcony to guide the next phase of your strategic vision.

Confidence and good leadership come from within. They are forged by learning from your mistakes, adapting your communication style, and accepting that perfection is an impossible standard. When you stop demanding that everyone operate exactly as you do, you open the door to genuine influence. You become a leader who does not just demand compliance, but actively inspires commitment.

To hear the full conversation with Elizabeth Lee MLA, listen to Episode 18 of the Leadership Confidence Podcast.

Connect with Elizabeth Lee MLA

• Connect with Elizabeth: LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram

• Parliamentary Email: lee@parliament.act.gov.au

• www.elizabethlee.com.au

Are you ready to understand your unique leadership qualities and achieve your career goals. Head over to jennifercowley.com to explore coaching programmes designed to help you break barriers, bring your unique value to the table, and finally be seen as the leader you are.

Guest: Elizabeth Lee MLA

Welcome to Episode 18 of the Leadership Confidence Podcast with special guest Elizabeth Lee MLA. Elizabeth is a Member of the Legislative Assembly in the ACT and the former leader of the Canberra Liberals. Prior to her election in 2016, she was a lawyer in government and private practice, as well as a law lecturer.

We explore why true leadership is a mindset rather than a formal title and how to build resilience when facing highly public setbacks. Elizabeth shares her candid experience of losing the party leadership and the critical strategy she used to maintain her self-worth. This conversation will help you understand the danger of tying your entire identity to your profession and show you how to build a multifaceted life that protects your confidence.

Key Takeaways

• Diversifying your identity: Do not let your job title define you as a person. Building a life, passions, and a support network outside of your professional obligations ensures that a career setback does not destroy your core confidence.

• Stepping onto the balcony: Leaders often get dragged onto the dance floor to handle the daily grind and minor details. You must intentionally step up to the balcony to see the bigger picture, guide your team’s vision, and avoid reactive decision-making.

• Embracing motherhood in leadership: Taking maternity leave as a leader in the public eye is not a weakness. It sets a necessary example for future generations and honours the women who fought for this right.

• Navigating public failure: Mistakes and failures are inevitable. Reflect on them honestly to understand team dynamics and personal expectations, then move forward without compromising your authentic self.

Links and Resources

Elizabeth Lee

• Connect with Elizabeth: LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram

• Parliamentary Email: lee@parliament.act.gov.au

• www.elizabethlee.com.au

Jennifer Cowley

• Book an Imposter Syndrome Reset Session: Jennifercowley.com/reset

• Watch or Listen to Previous Episodes: jennifercowley.com/podcast

• Connect with Jennifer: LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube

• Shop Clothing for Professional Women: Peakwomen.com.au

The modern workplace operates at a relentless pace. As leaders, we are expected to guide our teams through economic shifts, technological upheavals, and shifting political landscapes. Yet, the corporate systems we work within are often built for a world that no longer exists. They demand predictable, linear progress. When the environment inevitably shifts and carefully laid strategic plans fall apart, it is easy to internalise that disruption as a personal failure.

This disconnect between expectation and reality is a primary trigger for imposter syndrome. You might feel you need to have all the answers to justify your position. The reality is that expecting perfection in an unpredictable world is a trap. True leadership confidence does not come from predicting the future perfectly. It comes from accepting that multiple futures are possible and building the resilience to navigate whichever one arrives.

To understand how professional women can break through these confidence blocks and expand their influence, I sat down with futures coach and strategic advisor Jacinta Robinson. Following a fifteen year career in national security, Jacinta now helps individuals and organisations anticipate change rather than just react to it. Our conversation explored the harsh realities of the modern workplace, the vulnerability of returning from maternity leave, and the critical skill of futures literacy.

The Illusion of the Linear Strategy

For decades, corporate and government structures have relied on stability. We draft five year strategic plans and set rigid career milestones. We operate under the illusion that our progression will follow a straight upward trajectory if we simply work hard enough. Jacinta is quick to point out that this is a fundamentally flawed premise. We live in an era of volatility, but our management structures have not caught up. Jacinta notes that this lag is actively harming workplace culture.

“The world is going through this massive transformation that is creating lots of uncertainty, lots of volatility, and lots of unpredictability,” Jacinta explains. “And the people that are in those leadership positions right now are leading like the world hasn’t changed because they’re still using the same systems and processes.”

When you adhere strictly to a linear mindset, any deviation feels like a catastrophic error. This rigid thinking is what creates psychologically unsafe work environments. If a team feels they must stick to the original plan regardless of changing circumstances, they will hide early warning signs of failure. As a leader, if you punish deviation, you are cutting yourself off from vital information. To bring genuine value to your organisation, you must shatter the illusion of predictability. Growth happens in the messy middle where plans break and you are forced to adapt. When you stop fighting the reality of change, you can start identifying the early signals that a shift is coming.

The Systems Thinker Advantage

Building your presence and authority as a leader requires you to look beyond your immediate silo. You must understand how broader economic, technological, or social factors will impact your team. Jacinta refers to this capability as futures literacy. It is the ability to connect the dots early and anticipate disruption before it hits your desk.

“When people talk about that they’re doing strategic thinking as leaders, often they’re not,” she says. “And when I talk about seeing that change, thinking like a systems thinker, that to me is the level of strategic thinking that is required for this world that’s kind of going through this massive transformation.”

Many leaders fall into the trap of confusing operational management with strategic foresight. Reviewing a quarterly budget is operational. Recognising that a geopolitical conflict will eventually drive up your local supply chain costs is strategic. Anticipating these shifts gives you a distinct advantage. It allows you to build a buffer, pivot your strategy, and maintain your presence and authority when others in the organisation are panicking.

Jacinta advises that the best way to build this literacy is to change your information diet. Relying on mainstream evening news means you are consuming information too late. To spot the early signals of change, you need to read independent journalists, industry think tanks, and academic reports. You are looking for the faint signals in the noise. By the time a disruption is making global headlines, the window for proactive strategy has already closed.

Thought Leadership in the Grey Space

When leaders develop futures literacy, their perspective naturally shifts. They begin to see the flaws in traditional corporate narratives. This is where true thought leadership is born. Thought leadership is not about repeating popular industry trends. It is about identifying the gaps and asking the questions nobody else is willing to ask.

In an environment saturated with artificial intelligence and regurgitated content, bringing unique value means leaning into nuance. We are frequently presented with binary choices in the corporate world. Things are either a success or a failure. A strategy is either right or wrong. Jacinta argues that leaders must become comfortable navigating the grey space.

When you speak up about the uncertainties facing your industry, you decouple your identity from the safety of the status quo. You demonstrate that you are not relying on a formal job title to give you authority. You are building your confidence on your internal capability to analyse, question, and adapt. This level of honesty requires courage, but it establishes you as a deeply credible leader.

The Strategic Shift

Constant change and strategic failures will trigger your imposter syndrome. You cannot control external volatility. You cannot control global markets, sudden technological shifts, or executive board reshuffles. You can only control your response.

When a major plan derails, the most common reaction is a feeling of powerlessness. Leaders freeze, or they frantically try to force a broken strategy to work. To stop reacting blindly and start shaping your trajectory, you must implement a specific tactical exercise. You need to conduct a Strategic Shift.

This exercise is directly inspired by the final stage of Jacinta’s method. “It gives you the power to make confident decisions and own it and own the future and not feel like it’s just happening to you,” she explains.

Here is how you execute the Strategic Shift in your leadership practice today.

First, acknowledge the disruption objectively. When a project derails or an external factor forces your strategy off course, write down exactly what has happened. Remove the emotion. Do not write that your project has failed. Write that a specific external factor has made the current timeline unviable.

Second, draw a hard line between what you control and what you do not. List every factor of the disruption. If supply chain costs have doubled due to global logistics issues, put the global logistics issues in the ‘Out of My Control’ column. You cannot change them, so you must stop wasting mental energy worrying about them.

Third, identify your levers. Look at the ‘In My Control’ column. What levers can you actually pull. If you cannot change the cost of a material, can you change the packaging. Can you alter the delivery method. Can you renegotiate a secondary contract to offset the cost. You are looking for the specific, actionable elements of the project that still belong to you.

Fourth, design your pivot. Choose the strongest lever from your list and draft a new, modified approach. You are not trying to save the original plan. You are designing a new path based on the current reality.

Finally, communicate the pivot with authority. Take your revised plan to your team or stakeholders. Do not apologise for the external disruption. State clearly what has changed, outline the elements that are out of your control, and present the specific actions you are taking to reclaim agency over the outcome.

Confidence and good leadership come from within. They are built through learning from your mistakes and accepting that perfection is unattainable. When you conduct a Strategic Shift, you stop being a victim of circumstance. You stop viewing unexpected disruptions as definitive failures. Instead, you use professional difficulties to prove your strategic agility. By learning to anticipate change and focusing only on what you can control, you decouple your identity from external chaos. Embrace the messy reality of modern leadership, own your unique value, and lead with absolute authority.

Connect with Jacinta Robinson

• Future Pivots Website: FuturePivots.au

• Connect with Jacinta: LinkedIn, Instagram

Guest: Jacinta Robinson

Welcome to Episode 17 of the Leadership Confidence Podcast with special guest Jacinta Robinson. Following a 15-year career in national security, Jacinta is now a futures coach, strategic advisor, speaker, and the founder of Future Pivots.

We explore the critical, yet often overlooked, leadership skill of futures literacy and why anticipating change is essential in today’s unpredictable landscape. Jacinta shares her simple “See It, Shape It, Own It” framework to help you navigate uncertainty, alongside her personal story of returning from maternity leave to an unsupportive environment. This conversation will help you spot early signs of change, create psychosocially safe workplaces, and find the courage to pause before making reactive career decisions.

Key Takeaways

Building futures literacy: Stop operating under the illusion of a single, predictable future. Learning to anticipate change and plan for multiple possible outcomes is a crucial skill that gives leaders a strategic advantage and reduces reactive decision-making.

Creating psychosocial safety: When leaders acknowledge that the future is uncertain and embrace continuous learning, they give their teams the agency to adapt and the permission to safely fail without fear of retribution.

The See It, Shape It, Own It method: Use this three-step approach to detect early signals of change in your industry, design agile strategies that offer breathing room, and confidently make decisions to reclaim your agency.

The power of the anticipatory pause: When faced with a career setback or an uncomfortable workplace dynamic, avoid making emotional, rushed decisions in isolation. Taking a pause allows you to consult your network, evaluate your true options, and protect your confidence.

Links and Resources

Jacinta Robinson

• Future Pivots Website: FuturePivots.au

• Connect with Jacinta: LinkedIn, Instagram

• Podcast: See It, Shape It, Own It. Apple, Spotify

Jennifer Cowley

• Book an Imposter Syndrome Reset Session: Jennifercowley.com/reset

• Watch or Listen to Previous Episodes: jennifercowley.com/podcast

• Connect with Jennifer: LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube

• Shop Clothing for Professional Women: Peakwomen.com.au

Enjoyed This Episode?

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In an era where leadership is too often conflated with executive titles, corner offices, and polished public relations statements, true authority remains remarkably rare. Real leadership does not live on an organisational chart. It exists in daily decisions, the willingness to speak difficult truths, and the quiet courage to uphold integrity when the personal and professional stakes are at their highest.

For 25 years, Jo Tarnawsky navigated the highest corridors of the Australian public service. As a diplomat, senior government executive, Deputy Official Secretary to the Governor-General, and chief of staff in federal parliament, she spent her career in rooms where national decisions were negotiated. Yet when her government career came to an abrupt, highly public, and challenging end, she was forced to confront a profound question. Who are you when the prestigious title disappears?

Today, as a strategic advisor, speaker, and founder of This Is Leadership, Jo works with leaders, organisations, and change-makers across Australia. Drawing from her extensive background in international relations, governance, and workplace culture, she offers a realistic, grounded perspective on what it takes to lead effectively in high-pressure environments.

Redefining Failure and Decoupling Identity from Rank

For many professional women, career progression is viewed through a rigid, linear lens. Success is measured by the next promotion, while unexpected disruption is categorised as a personal failure. This fear of failing often keeps women overly cautious, silent in key meetings, or trapped in positions that no longer serve their growth. It also fuels imposter syndrome, where individuals feel their worth is entirely dependent on maintaining a flawless external record.

When Jo faced a stressful departure from her parliamentary role after speaking up about inappropriate workplace behaviour, the fallout was intense and isolating. Yet looking back, she rejects the narrative that career disruption equals personal failure.

“Failure almost feels very complete, like that’s the end point,” Jo explains. “Instead, I take lessons from experiences. It is about taking lemons and lemonading them, making something useful from what you have been given.”

This concept of “lemonading” is a powerful reframe for breaking internal barriers. It shifts the focus from victimhood to active post-traumatic growth. When you accept that mistakes, conflict, and unexpected setbacks are inherent to any meaningful career, you free yourself to make bold, principled decisions.

A critical step in this evolution is decoupling your self-worth from your official job title. Relying solely on a corporate rank to validate your standing leaves your confidence fragile and dependent on external structures. When that structure shifts, imposter syndrome can easily take over. Reflecting on her transition out of senior government roles, Jo offers practical advice for leaders navigating career transitions.

“You are not your job, and in many ways you are more than your job. Leadership and the impact that you can have, it’s not tied to the title that you have. Stepping out of an institutional environment isn’t easy, but your identity expands as you create something new.”

Reading the Second Map of Workplace Power Dynamics

To deliver genuine value within any organisation, professional women must look beyond official policies and formal reporting structures. By defining your unique value, you will understand how your leadership can be an asset to any team. One of the most valuable skills a leader can develop is the ability to read the hidden power dynamics.

Every workplace operates on two distinct maps. The first is the visible organisational chart. The second is the unwritten map of interpersonal power dynamics. During her tenure in foreign service and senior executive roles, Jo observed how authority functions when formal titles are stripped away. In many instances, individuals with modest designations exert tremendous influence over strategic outcomes, while some senior executives with impressive titles can hold very little practical leverage.

“To me, leadership isn’t a title,” Tarnawsky states. “It is about how you use your power and influence. First and foremost, it’s not what you say, but it’s what you do every day. It’s how you make decisions, how you treat people, whether you’re willing to say the hard thing or do the hard thing, and most importantly, whether you’re willing to do the right thing, even when that’s difficult.”

Understanding this distinction is vital when addressing complex workplace issues like culture and psychosocial safety. Organisations frequently invest in well-crafted policies, equity charters, and code-of-conduct guidelines. However, a persistent gap often remains between what these documents state and what occurs in practice.

That gap is driven by unwritten power dynamics. When leaders learn to read this second map, they can identify where decisions are actually negotiated, interpret subtle behavioural shifts during controversial discussions, and navigate political undercurrents without compromising their ethics. Your unique value as a leader does not stem from memorising policy manuals. It stems from your ability to read these dynamics, maintain psychological safety, and influence key outcomes with clarity and composure.

Dismantling Scarcity and Expanding Influence

Building presence and authority as a leader requires examining how women interact with one another in competitive corporate settings. Historically, the systemic underrepresentation of women in executive suites created a scarcity mindset. When there is only one seat allocated for a woman at a decision-making table, it is easy to view female peers as direct competition rather than natural allies.

Jo actively dismantles this scarcity model. True leadership requires expanding the room, celebrating the achievements of colleagues, and recognising that another person’s success does not diminish your own standing. When professional women collaborate and amplify one another, collective influence expands significantly.

Visibility is not about being the loudest voice in the room. It is about consistently showing up for others and demonstrating your values through action. When you back your peers, you position yourself as an authoritative, confident leader who operates from a place of abundance rather than fear.

Activate Your Bystander Power

Fostering an environment where women can thrive demands practical strategies to address inappropriate workplace behaviour when it happens. When toxic behaviour, dismissive comments, or subtle bullying occur in a meeting, the standard response from observers is passive silence. Colleagues often convince themselves that staying silent is neutral or self-protective. In reality, silence functions as tacit approval, allowing harmful dynamics to dominate, often leaving the targeted individual completely isolated.

Overcoming this dynamic requires using your bystander power. This is the single most effective action you can take to change the culture of your immediate working environment. Confronting unacceptable behaviour head-on can feel daunting, particularly when a power imbalance exists. Effective intervention, however, does not require an aggressive or dramatic confrontation.

Jo outlines a specific, highly practical tactic to disrupt inappropriate behaviour in real time without escalating hostility.

“You don’t have to confront them head on. You can ask a question. You can say something like, ‘I’m sorry, what was that again, What did you say?’ And it makes them stop and have to check themselves, be more conscious about it.”

This single action serves as an immediate circuit breaker in the room. First, it pauses the interaction immediately, forcing the individual to stop and reflect on what they just communicated. Second, it removes plausible deniability, requiring the speaker to either repeat an inappropriate statement explicitly or rephrase it appropriately. Third, it signals subtle disapproval, demonstrating to the rest of the room that the comment was noted and questioned. Finally, it breaks the isolation of the target, showing them that their colleagues are paying attention and setting standard boundaries.

Mastering this tactic allows you to protect team culture, manage power dynamics, and establish yourself as a courageous, capable leader without engaging in unnecessary conflict.

Strengthening Your Presence Moving Forward

Sustainable confidence cannot be manufactured through external accolades, artificial posturing, or corporate badges. It develops through lived experience, rigorous self-awareness, and the intentional cultivation of a trusted professional network.

Positioning yourself as a leader is ultimately an everyday choice. Seniority does not automatically confer leadership, nor does a lower rank prevent you from influencing those around you. As Jo reflects on her career transition and her advisory work with organisations across the country, her core message to emerging and established leaders remains consistent.

“Every single person has power, whether they recognise it or not. The power isn’t determined by your seniority. It’s in what you do, so make sure that you use it well.”

By accepting imperfection, trusting your internal compass, and using your voice wisely, you build a resilient, impactful leadership presence that endures through every stage of your career.

Links to Jo’s work

• Connect with Jo on LinkedIn: Jo Tarnawsky or Instagram: @jo_tarnawsky

• Visit Jo’s website:

https://www.jotarnawsky.com/

• Access Jo’s digital resources for navigating a toxic work environment. Use the discount code HELPISHERE at checkout for 20% off.

Are you ready to understand your unique leadership qualities and achieve your career goals? Head over to jennifercowley.com to explore coaching programmes designed to help you break barriers, bring your unique value to the table, and finally be seen as the leader you are.

Guest: Jo Tarnawsky

Welcome to Episode 16 of the Leadership Confidence Podcast with special guest Jo Tarnawsky. Following a 25-year career as an Australian diplomat and senior government executive, Jo is now a strategic advisor and the founder of This Is Leadership.

We explore how to read the unseen power dynamics in your workplace and why supporting other professional women is a strategic advantage. Jo shares her personal experience of a highly public career disruption. She explains how to redefine failure through post-traumatic growth rather than seeing it as a definitive end. Confidence and good leadership come from within, learning from mistakes, and accepting that perfection is unattainable. This conversation will help you decouple your identity from your job title and recognise the genuine power you hold at any stage of your career.

Key Takeaways

• Redefining career setbacks: Stop viewing unexpected career changes as failures. Use professional difficulties to create new opportunities and learn. Jo refers to this process as ‘lemonading’ your experiences to build a stronger foundation.

• Reading the second map: Every workplace has an official organisation chart and a hidden map of actual influence. Learning to read this second map helps you understand how decisions are really made and increases your value as a leader.

• Dismantling the scarcity mindset: Seeing other women as competition diminishes collective influence. Championing your peers builds a community of support that expands your own presence and authority.

• Decoupling identity from title: You are not your job. Prestigious titles can disappear. Build your confidence on your internal skills and a high-quality support network instead of relying on formal authority.

Links and Resources

• Jo Tarnawsky

  • Connect with Jo on LinkedIn: Jo Tarnawsky or Instagram: @jo_tarnawsky

  • Visit Jo’s website: https://www.jotarnawsky.com/

  • Access Jo’s digital resources for navigating a toxic work environment. Use the discount code HELPISHERE at checkout for 20% off.

• The Gender Index:

  https://www.thegenderindex.com.au

• Jennifer Cowley

  • Book an Imposter Syndrome Reset Session: Jennifercowley.com/reset

  • Watch or Listen to Previous Episodes: jennifercowley.com/podcast

  • Connect with Jennifer: LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube

  • Shop Clothing for Professional Women: Peakwomen.com.au

Enjoyed This Episode?

If this conversation resonated with you, please subscribe to The Leadership Confidence Podcast, leave a review, and share this episode with a colleague or friend who needs a reminder that being new is a superpower, and the path to success is rarely a straight line.

I recently found myself unpacking a deeply uncomfortable leadership truth. When a team member repeatedly withholds critical project updates, speaks over you in meetings, or quietly rallies colleagues against a new initiative, the immediate reaction for most leaders is to look inward. You replay conversations on the drive home. You wonder if you need to be firmer, kinder, or simply better prepared. You internalise the tension as a personal inadequacy.

As a leadership coach, I spend my days helping professionals dissect imposter syndrome and self-doubt. I see firsthand how professional women are conditioned to believe that any friction in their team is a direct reflection of their own communication skills. But as I discovered during my recent interview with workplace culture and leadership expert Maureen Kyne, this reaction completely misses the core issue. You are not experiencing a personal failure of leadership. You are likely facing upward bullying.

I invited Maureen onto The Leadership Confidence Podcast to unpack this hidden workplace epidemic. What followed was a conversation that completely reframed how I view team resistance, accountability, and the illusion of the perfect manager.

The Hidden Crisis in Executive Leadership

Downward bullying from senior managers receives significant attention in workplace policies, human resources training, and corporate literature. Upward bullying operates differently. It is far harder to spot because it subverts the traditional power dynamic we are taught to expect. It rarely involves obvious confrontation. Instead, direct reports use subtle mechanisms of harm to chip away at a leader’s authority over time.

Maureen’s global research reveals a staggering reality that stops most leaders in their tracks. 71% of senior leaders report personal experience with upward bullying. Even more alarming, 93% of leaders effected state that it severely damaged their confidence, reducing their willingness to remain in executive roles.

I asked Maureen to break down how this actually manifests in day-to-day operations and why it catches so many experienced executives off guard.

“It is a form of harm that is perpetrated either by an individual, but more often than not by a group of individuals who report to the leader,” Maureen told me. “It is an intentional form of harm because that leader may be in the role and might be new to the role, or brought in to do transformational change. Generally, you will find that there is one person within the team who has informal power around what is actually happening. Their agenda is to disrupt the leader and potentially get rid of them.”

Defining the Tactics of Upward Bullying

The data Maureen shared highlights exactly how pervasive these tactics are in the modern workplace. Her research indicates that 75% of targeted leaders experience resistance or refusal to follow direction. Another 64% experience targeted gossip or damaging rumours, while 61% face sabotage or deliberate withholding of vital information.

Perhaps most alarming is that 60% experience “mobbing,” where team members form a group to collectively target or undermine the leader. Furthermore, 57% face strategic formal complaints or grievances designed purely to stall accountability and tie the leader up in administrative red tape.

A common misconception I held before our interview was that this behaviour must target specific demographics or inexperienced managers. Maureen quickly corrected this assumption. Her research shows that upward bullying spans right across the board. It occurs in healthcare, higher education, legal firms, manufacturing, and executive suites alike. No specific cohort or industry is immune to this dynamic.

The Trap of Internalised Blame

Listening to Maureen, I reflected on how this impacts our core philosophy of leadership confidence. When you step into a leadership role with a commitment to empathy, kindness, and collaboration, high-conflict individuals may misinterpret your supportive approach as a weakness.

When you attempt to address poor performance or introduce organisational change, a high-conflict employee may switch from passive resistance to active sabotage. Because we are often taught to prioritise relationship-building and self-reflection, this upward pushback creates an intense internal conflict. You begin to question your delivery. You ask yourself if you were too abrasive, or conversely, if you lacked sufficient authority.

I asked Maureen why leaders so easily slip into self-doubt rather than seeing this behavioural pattern for what it is. Her answer highlighted a critical flaw in how we manage team dynamics.

“Generally a leader looks at these things in isolation,” Maureen explained. “They are not looking at them collectively together. We have held some information here, or we have come into a group meeting where they have been disruptive. So a leader looks at these things in isolation. We are allowing these tasks that they should have been doing to slip under the radar because they just seem minor or minuscule. But the more we do not address it, the more we empower that individual and the group to up the ante.”

This self-doubt is precisely what enables the behaviour to escalate. When a leader views systemic disruption as a personal failure, two counterproductive reactions typically follow. First, they retreat into conflict avoidance. They hesitate to enforce standards, delay performance reviews, or overlook missed deadlines to prevent further team backlash. Second, they attempt aggressive overcompensation. They try to force compliance through rigid dominance, which only escalates tension and fuels the employee’s narrative that the manager is unreasonable.

Both reactions stem from the exact same root cause. The leader is conflating their personal identity with their official function. They forget that leadership confidence comes from within and that learning to handle friction is part of the process.

The Linguistic Boundary: “In My Role”

During our interview, Maureen introduced a psychological and verbal repositioning strategy. It uses a precise, short verbal anchor to establish professional authority during difficult performance or behavioural discussions.

The anchor is simply this phrase. “In my role as your leader...”

On the surface, this looks like a basic conversational opener. In practice, it is a sophisticated tool for cognitive and emotional regulation in high-stress environments. Using this phrase anchors the conversation to your objective duties and organisational responsibility. It shifts the discussion entirely away from personal friction.

I want to dive deep into exactly why this phrase works. When these words are spoken in a meeting room, a profound mindset shift occurs for both the leader delivering the message and the employee receiving it.

The Mindset Shift for the Leader: Shedding the Personal Burden

When you anticipate a difficult conversation with a direct report who has been undermining you, the physical signs of anxiety are immediate. Your heart races. You feel a knot in your stomach. This happens because you are entering the room as yourself. You are walking in as a person who wants to be liked, who wants to be perceived as fair, and who fears being labelled as a bad manager. You carry the burden of your personal identity into the conflict. You feel the need to justify your decisions, soften your tone, and seek approval for the boundaries you are trying to set.

Saying the words “In my role as your leader” acts as a cognitive trigger. It works similarly to the psychological concept of enclothed cognition that I teach my clients. Just as putting on a tailored blazer can instantly make you feel more authoritative and capable, speaking this phrase wraps you in the protective armour of your professional function. You are no longer negotiating your personal worth. You are executing the requirements of your position.

Maureen explained this perfectly during our chat. “We are giving ourselves that opportunity to be able to step back as a leader into the role that we need to be undertaking. I think you are empowering the leader not to be either aggressive or avoiding.”

This mindset shift grants you permission to be objective. It relieves you of the impossible task of being the “perfect” communicator. You do not need the employee to validate you personally. You only need them to meet the operational standards dictated by the organisation. By verbally naming your role, you detach your ego from the outcome of the conversation. If the employee pushes back, they are not rejecting you, they are rejecting the role and the business requirements. That simple separation is the key to maintaining your composure and confidence.

The Mindset Shift for the Employee: Neutralising the Weapon

Upward bullying thrives on interpersonal friction. A high-conflict employee gains power by turning operational matters into personal disputes. If they miss a deadline and you address it, they will try to shift the focus to your tone, your management style, or a perceived personal slight. They want to argue with you, the individual, because personal dynamics are subjective and easily manipulated. When you open a difficult conversation with “In my role as your leader,” you immediately strip them of this weapon.

You change the rules of engagement before they can even mount a defence. Hearing this phrase forces a sudden cognitive shift for the employee. The boundary is drawn clearly. They are no longer dealing with a frustrated colleague they can manipulate emotionally. They are suddenly face-to-face with the structural authority of the organisation.

Consider the difference between saying, “I need you to stop speaking over me in meetings,” versus, “In my role as your leader, I need us to establish clear communication standards for team meetings.”

The first statement invites a personal argument about whether they actually spoke over you, how sensitive you are, or what their intent was. The second statement leaves no room for personal negotiation. It states an organisational requirement. The employee is forced to realise that their passive-aggressive tactics will no longer work. They cannot claim that you are just being vindictive. To continue their resistance, they must actively refuse the explicit, professional requirements of their job. This shift forces accountability. It backs the employee into a corner where they must either align with the professional standard or provide documented evidence of their refusal to cooperate with management.

Finding Confidence Through Imperfect Leadership

My conversation with Maureen Kyne was a powerful reminder that we must stop trying to perfect the unperfectible. Leadership is not about achieving a state of flawless performance where everyone agrees with your direction. Perfection is an illusion. True confidence and good leadership come from within, learning from our mistakes, and accepting that friction is a natural part of managing people.

Upward bullying thrives when leaders feel isolated, doubt their capabilities, and treat opposition as proof of personal inadequacy. When you step back, observe the behavioural pattern objectively, and anchor yourself firmly in your professional function, you remove the emotional leverage used to undermine you. You do not need to alter your core personality, adopt an overly aggressive management style, or pretend to have every answer to command respect. You simply need to stand securely in your authority, enforce objective standards, and lead with clarity.

Resources & Links

• Maureen Kyne

  • Website: Access Maureen’s research report, white paper, and book information at maureenkyne.com.au

  • Connect with Maureen: LinkedIn

Guest: Maureen Kyne

Have you ever managed a direct report who consistently withheld vital information, challenged your authority in team meetings, or spread subtle rumours to senior executive leadership?

When team friction occurs, high-achieving leaders often look inward first. We question our communication, wonder if we are being too tough, or fall into the trap of imposter syndrome. But what if the resistance you are experiencing is not a personal failure of your leadership at all?

In this eye-opening episode, Jennifer Cowley sits down with workplace culture expert and author Maureen Kyne to shine a spotlight on a hidden workplace epidemic: Upward Bullying.

Maureen shares shocking research revealing that 71% of senior leaders experience upward bullying, with 93% reporting it severely damaged their leadership confidence. Together, Jennifer and Maureen break down how upward resistance operates, why high-performing leaders are targeted, and the exact three-word verbal script you can use to set firm boundaries without losing your calm or resorting to aggression.

Key Takeaways From This Episode

• Kindness as a Power Skill: Why curiosity and active listening are your greatest tools when addressing disruptive workplace behaviour early.

• The Reality of Upward Bullying: Why mobbing, information withholding, and strategic formal grievances from direct reports are systemic risks rather than isolated personality clashes.

• The Imposter Syndrome Trap: How targeted pushback makes leaders internalise blame, leading to conflict avoidance or aggressive overcompensation.

• The 3-Word Boundary Script: How using the phrase “In my role...” immediately shifts a difficult conversation away from personal friction and back to objective professional accountability.

Resources & Links

• Maureen Kyne

  • Website: Access Maureen’s research report, white papers, and book information at maureenkyne.com.au

  • Connect with Maureen: LinkedIn

• Jennifer Cowley

  • Book an Imposter Syndrome Reset Session: Jennifercowley.com/reset

  • Watch or Listen to Previous Episodes: jennifercowley.com/podcast

  • Connect with Jennifer: LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube

  • Shop Ethical Apparel for Professional Women: Peakwomen.com.au

In the modern corporate landscape, true leadership is rarely tested during smooth sailing. It is forged in moments of profound uncertainty, unexpected disruption, and high-pressure transitions. For many professional women, balancing career ambitions with major life challenges can feel like an impossible tightrope walk.

Alicia Louise Lillington, an IT Change Management Consultant, speaker, and advocate, knows this reality firsthand. Having navigated a serious health crisis and cancer treatment while simultaneously job hunting as her contract ended, Alicia’s journey offers a powerful, grounded masterclass in resilience, self-advocacy, and practical leadership.

In a candid conversation on The Leadership Confidence Podcast, host Jennifer Cowley sat down with Alicia to unpack how women can navigate career pivots, manage high-stress environments, and step into unapologetic visibility without waiting for the mythical “perfect time.”

Returning to the Corporate Grind After a Life Pivot

Stepping back into high-pressure corporate environments after a major life transition or health battle brings a unique set of challenges. The fast pace, demanding project deliverables, and constant change management can easily reignite stress if you do not have intentional boundaries in place.

Alicia reflects on her transition back into a structured IT change management environment, where managing large-scale organizational transformations demands significant cognitive and emotional energy.

“I’ve experienced some real lows to be honest, like it hasn’t all been rainbows and butterflies. For a long time in my health journey, when I was going through chemo and we were fundraising towards local charities, I always had something to strive for. But I think the hardest moments have been going back to a nine to five. A lot of these programs are very stressful.”

When returning to demanding workplaces, many women feel pressure to overcompensate, attempting to prove their capability by taking on unsustainable workloads. However, true leadership confidence comes from recognising that your value is not measured by relentless busyness, but by your ability to stay grounded, clear-headed, and focused on strategic impact.

Practical Circuit Breakers for Daily Corporate Stress

When high-stakes projects heat up, internal anxiety often follows. Building resilient leadership does not require complex, hours-long routines that add more items to your already overflowing to-do list. It requires simple, actionable circuit breakers integrated into your workday.

Alicia highlights the practical, daily micro-habits that helped her reset her central nervous system and stay grounded through intense workplace pressure:

• Intentional Disconnection: Step away from digital screens and social media comparisons by reading a hard-copy book or taking a short walk outside during lunch breaks.

• Curated Mood Resets: Use music deliberately. Create fun, non-work playlists to instantly shift your emotional state and break rumination loops during stressful afternoons.

• Micro-Acts of Service: Shift your focus outward. Whether it is donating clothing to a local charity during your lunch break or supporting a colleague, small acts of generosity restore a sense of agency and perspective.

“Really meditation has helped me a lot, listening to meditative tracks, going for a walk outside, moving my body, and nourishing, eating healthy during those times as well. Trying to see the lighter things, having a fun playlist... that’s some of the ways that I stay grounded.”

Grounding techniques like these are not passive self-care. They are essential operational tools for leaders who need to maintain mental clarity, emotional stability, and sharp decision-making under pressure.

The Myth of Readiness: Action Precedes Confidence

One of the most persistent confidence blocks facing professional women is the belief that they must feel 100% ready, qualified, or comfortable before taking a significant career step. Women routinely hold back from applying for promotions, raising their hand for high-visibility assignments, or sharing their expertise publicly until they feel entirely ready. Waiting for readiness is a form of self-sabotage. Opportunities rarely arrive on a silver platter, and waiting for perfect conditions ensures that opportunities pass you by while others step forward.

When Alicia began documenting her health journey and personal growth on YouTube, she faced the exact same hesitation that stops many professionals from putting themselves out there: the fear of judgment and the fear of zero engagement. Her counsellor offered a perspective shift that applies directly to professional visibility: focus on the intrinsic value of sharing your story, not the audience’s immediate reaction. Leadership influence is built through action, not preparation. Competence grows as you execute, adapt, and learn from setbacks out in the open.

Stop Saving Your Presence for a Rainy Day

There is a subtle trap in professional life where women reserve their best ideas, their boldest voices, and even their most confident wardrobe for a future milestone. They tell themselves they will step out and lead once they reach a certain title, finish a qualification, or clear their current project list.

Alicia’s cancer diagnosis happened when her daughter was just 13 months old. After being given a much shorter life expectancy than most she turned it into a beautiful lesson for all of us. “No time is promised” so make the most of today. So get out of your own way and take that next step on your journey in leadership and in life.

“Don’t wait for a rainy day to wear a beautiful blazer. Wear it now. Burn the candle. Just do it all now, just enjoy life as much as you can. Create as well. In the age of AI, the one thing that we have as humans is our own experience. So share your story.”

Claiming your leadership presence means showing up fully today. It means wearing the bold suit to a standard Monday morning meeting, sharing your perspective in executive discussions even if your voice shakes, and trusting your intuition when something in your career path feels off.

Claiming Your Seat at the Table

Your career path is rarely a linear climb. It is often a squiggly line filled with unexpected detours, difficult seasons, and moments where you are forced to rebuild from the ground up. True leadership influence is not created by avoiding those detours or pretending that hardship does not exist. It is built by taking ownership of your lived experience, honouring your personal boundaries, and stepping into the room as your authentic self.

When you stop waiting for the external world to grant you permission, you realise that your unique story, perspective, and resilience are your greatest professional assets. The world does not need another leader who fits a rigid, perfect mold. It needs leaders who are grounded in their values, fearless in their authenticity, and willing to light the path for others. So wear the hot pink suit, share your perspective with conviction, and step into your influence today. The seat at the table is already yours, so claim it.

Guest: Alicia Louise Lillington, IT Change Management Consultant, Speaker, and Advocate

In this episode of The Leadership Confidence Podcast, Jennifer Cowley sits down with Alicia Louise Lillington to unpack what it truly takes to navigate severe life curveballs, manage career pressure, and step into unapologetic visibility.

After navigating a serious health diagnosis and cancer treatment while simultaneously job hunting as her contract ended, Alicia shares the practical, grounded tools that helped her rebuild her life and career. Together, Jennifer and Alicia discuss the reality of returning to high-stress corporate environments, why waiting for the perfect time holds women back, and how small, daily acts of intentionality create sustainable resilience.

Key Takeaways & Insights

• Grounding Techniques for High-Stress Workspaces. Use simple circuit breakers during the workday, such as listening to curated music playlists, schedule physical screen breaks, step outside, or move your body to reset your central nervous system during busy periods.

• Action Precedes Readiness. Opportunities rarely arrive on a silver platter; waiting for perfect conditions ensures that opportunities pass you by. Shift your focus away from self-doubt and fear of judgment. If you create content, share a story, or put yourself forward, do it because it aligns with your values, not because you need validation from an audience.

• Claiming Your Presence Today. Delaying joy, visibility, or self-expression for a future date restricts your leadership presence right now. Stop saving your best attributes, your boldest ideas, or your high-visibility wardrobe for a special occasion.

“Wear the nice outfit. Don’t wait for a rainy day to wear a beautiful blazer. Wear it now. Burn the candle. Just do it all now, and enjoy life as much as you can.”

— Alicia Lillington

Resources & Links Mentioned

• Connect with Alicia Louise Lillington:

  • Website: alicialouiselillington.com

  • Instagram: @alicia__louise

  • LinkedIn: Alicia Lillington

• Jennifer Cowley Links & Resources

  • Book an Imposter Syndrome Reset Session: Jennifercowley.com/reset

  • Watch or Listen to Previous Episodes: jennifercowley.com/podcast

  • Connect with Jennifer: LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube

  • Shop Ethical Apparel for Professional Women: Peakwomen.com.au

Enjoyed This Episode?

If this conversation resonated with you, please subscribe to The Leadership Confidence Podcast, leave a review, and share this episode with a colleague or friend who needs a reminder that being new is a superpower, and the path to success is rarely a straight line.

When Trisha Gorman rushed down to a local market to buy a blazer from Peak Women, my fashion label, neither of us knew it would mark the beginning of a deep professional connection. Then when we sat down to record Episode 13 of the Leadership Confidence Podcast just last week, we happened to show up wearing the exact same blazer.

Beyond our shared taste in bright blazers, our alignment runs much deeper. Trisha is a seasoned executive, a board director, a consultant of more than thirteen years, and a key force behind The Female Leader a movement dedicated to elevating women’s voices through authenticity, connection, and bold action.

Trisha holds a core belief that every professional woman needs to hear. Confidence is built, not born. It is not about having all the answers before you step up to the table. It is about trusting yourself enough to step forward, use your voice, and make decisions even when you do not feel completely ready.

In our conversation, Trisha shared her honest experience of total career failure, how she navigated boardroom intimidation, and why dropping your ego to ask for help is the ultimate catalyst for career growth.

Redefining Leadership: Why Job Titles Do Not Equal Influence

Many organisations make the mistake of conflating management with leadership. Employees often assume they cannot demonstrate leadership until they have direct reports or an executive title. Trisha challenges this assumption directly, viewing leadership as a privilege rather than an administrative status.

As Trisha explains, being viewed as a leader across your community, personal life, and professional career carries a profound sense of responsibility. You have people’s lives, futures, and perspectives in your hands, which is not a label to take lightly.

The distinction between management and true leadership is often lost in modern corporate structures. Society regularly collapses the role of manager into that of a leader, forgetting that these two disciplines require completely different skill sets. As Trisha highlighted during our interview:

“So many times society and workforces collapse manager with leader. They forget that the distinction between the disciplines is very different. You could be a leader as a junior in an organisation. On the flip side, you can be a very senior executive and have no leadership acumen at all.”

If you are waiting for a promotion or a formal title before you start leading, you are holding yourself back. You do not need direct reports to drive meaningful change, influence outcomes, or build a culture of integrity.

Trisha’s Zone of Genius

In my coaching practice, I encourage women to identify their zone of genius. This is the unique combination of strengths, perspectives, and natural talents that only you bring to the room. For Trisha, that genius lies in subtle observation and active advocacy.

Rather than focusing on what is explicitly stated, Trisha tunes into the unsaid dynamics in a room. She pays attention to environments where quiet contributors are overlooked or denied opportunities, and she deliberately uses her position to facilitate space for those individuals to join the conversation.

Recognising the unseen is a rare and essential leadership skill. True presence requires shifting your focus away from your own internal anxiety and onto how you can lift up the people around you. When you focus on creating space for others, the fear surrounding your own standing begins to evaporate.

When 100% Failure Becomes Your Best Teacher

Embracing failure is easy to talk about in theory, but deeply uncomfortable in practice. When Trisha transitioned from a permanent executive role in the Commonwealth public sector to consulting for major private banks, she experienced a severe reality check.

Having operated as a Commonwealth executive, Trisha assumed her background would automatically command respect and authority on day one in the private sector. She quickly discovered that corporate banking operated under entirely different rules. In the private sector, success hinges on your ability to build deep relationships, understand individual egos, and read varying stakeholder lenses.

Reflecting on that high-stakes transition, Trisha openly described the turning point:

“When you work in the private sector, as most people know, you need to be able to build relationships. It’s about understanding people’s perspectives, their egos, and their lenses. It became very apparent to me that the old way of being wasn’t going to work. Basically, I was 100% failing at what I was doing, and then I had to rebuild.”

Recovering from total professional failure requires an immediate shift in mindset. You must separate your personal ego from your performance and accept that perfection is an unattainable standard.

Drop Your Ego and Ask for Help

When faced with a technical gap or an unfamiliar organisational culture, many high-achieving women fall into the trap of overworking in isolation. They white-knuckle their way through the week, spending late nights trying to memorise every detail of a brief to avoid looking unprepared or incompetent. Trisha’s breakthrough came from doing the exact opposite. She discarded the pressure to maintain an expert facade and began asking direct, transparent questions.

In nearly thirty years of professional life, Trisha notes that no colleague has ever refused to assist her when she approached them with genuine curiosity. Pulling up a chair next to a subject matter expert and asking them to break down a complex concept is not a sign of weakness. It is an act of efficiency and self-assurance.

When you encounter a technical domain or system you do not fully understand, follow this three-step framework:

1. Acknowledge the gap without shame: Identify what you do not know without treating the knowledge gap as a reflection of your intelligence or capability.

2. Engage experts directly: Pull up a chair next to a technical specialist, peer, or team member who understands the detail.

3. Use plain, clear language: Ask them to explain the concept at a high level. Say, “I want to make sure I represent this work accurately to executive stakeholders. Can you walk me through the key mechanics so I can explain it simply?”

By asking for clarification, you bridge your knowledge gaps rapidly, remove the anxiety of pretending, and build authentic trust with your team.

Holding Your Ground in the Boardroom and Saying Yes

Five years ago, Trisha was appointed to her first major board role for an irrigation water corporation. Despite her extensive technical experience, stepping into governance brought a fresh wave of imposter syndrome.

Entering her first board meetings, Trisha initially assumed that the established directors around the table were operating on a higher level and was looking to them as leaders. Coming in with technical expertise but zero formal board experience, she initially felt intimidated. Trisha shared her reflection on overcoming that initial self-doubt:

“I went in there thinking that all of these individuals sitting around the table with me must have been intellectual giants. I was coming in with zero board acumen experience. If I was to speak to that junior board director now, I would say to myself: hold your own. The experience and lenses we bring to the table are completely different to anybody else around that table.”

Trisha applied this principle when she agreed to walk in the Revel the Runway fashion show to promote body positivity for women of all backgrounds and body types. Although stepping onto a runway felt entirely outside her comfort zone, she chose to embrace the discomfort because the broader message for other women mattered far more than her temporary unease.

Her rule of thumb for stretch opportunities reminded me of the famous advice from Richard Branson. If someone offers you an incredible opportunity, say yes first, then work out how to execute it later. As Trisha points out, if you hesitate or let fear make the decision for you, someone else will take that spot.

Guidance for Transitioning into Board Roles

For senior professional women looking to expand their leadership influence beyond their primary career, board appointments offer a powerful channel for impact. Trisha shares three practical recommendations for women exploring governance:

• Connect with dedicated networks: Join organisations such as Women on Boards and complete foundational governance training through the Australian Institute of Company Directors (AICD) to master board mechanics.

• Align with your core values: Do not pursue board positions purely as a retirement strategy or a vanity metric. Choose non-profits, charities, or commercial boards whose core mission aligns with your personal values and ethics.

• Understand the true commitment: Board directors carry significant legal and fiduciary responsibilities as well as a significant time commitment. During business crises or structural changes, six scheduled meetings a year can quickly expand into thirty. Ensure you are prepared to carry that level of personal responsibility.

Mistakes Are Simply Stepping Stones

Career growth is rarely linear. It is a continuous process of making decisions, adapting, and learning through imperfect action. Trisha reminds us that what occurred in your 20s or 30s does not dictate what you can accomplish in your 40s and 50s. If a project or career move did not go to plan, take the nuggets of wisdom from the experience and carry them forward. Allowing past setbacks to paralyse your current choices only robs you of future opportunities.

Confidence is not an inherent trait you are born with. It is built every single time you step outside your comfort zone, ask for help without shame, and say yes to the opportunities right in front of you.

• Connect with Trisha Gorman:

  • Website www.Thefemaleleader.com.au

  • LinkedIn Trish Gorman MAICD

Ready to Build Your Leadership Confidence?

If you are ready to overcome internal confidence blocks, articulate your unique value, and expand your executive influence, let us work together.

• Connect with Jennifer Cowley: Visit jennifercowley.com to explore coaching programmes and executive workshop packages.

• Share this article: Send this piece to a colleague who needs a reminder that failure is simply a stepping stone to their next level of leadership.

Trisha candidly reflects on her career journey, starting with her early transition from a senior executive role in the public sector to high-stakes commercial banking. She shares the pivotal moment she realised that formal authority does not guarantee influence in new environments, and how an initial setback taught her the critical difference between relying on titles and intentionally building stakeholder trust.

We also unpack the practical realities of stepping onto board tables. Trisha demystifies the path to governance, addressing the initial intimidation many women face when entering boardrooms, the hidden personal and financial liabilities of non-profit board roles, and how to effectively leverage networks like Women on Boards and the AICD to secure strategic seats.

Moving into modern workplace dynamics, Jennifer and Trisha explore the ethical boundaries of emerging technologies like artificial intelligence. They discuss how leaders can embrace AI for operational efficiency while fiercely protecting human authenticity, ethical guardrails, and genuine community representation.

Finally, Trisha reinforces a vital truth every leader must learn. Confidence does not come from having a perfect resume or avoiding failure. True self-assurance develops when we accept that perfection is unattainable, view mistakes as temporary decisions made at a point in time, and extract the essential “nuggets of knowledge” required to step into our next phase of influence.

Key Takeaways & Insights

• Influence Over Authority: Formal titles do not automatically equal respect or buy-in when entering new organisational cultures. Real influence is built through strategic relationships, active listening, and understanding stakeholder perspectives.

• Overcoming Boardroom Intimidation: Imposter syndrome often whispers that others in the room possess superior intellect or capability. Securing your seat requires backing your unique perspective, leaving ego at the door, and asking direct questions when navigating complex information.

• Ethics and Authenticity in the Age of AI: While AI provides unprecedented productivity tools, executive leaders must enforce strong ethical boundaries to ensure human truth, diverse representation, and brand integrity remain uncompromised.

• Reframing Mistakes as Data: Setbacks are not proof of inadequacy or career-ending failures. They are simply decisions made with the information available at the time. Stripping away the shame allows you to extract valuable insights for future growth.

• Unlocking Your Unique Superpower: Bringing a non-traditional background into a new sector is an asset, not a drawback. A fresh lens enriches group dialogue, breaks echo chambers, and drives better strategic decisions.

Connect with Trisha

• Website www.Thefemaleleader.com.au

• LinkedIn Trish Gorman MAICD

• Instagram @Princesstrish

• Instagram @thefemaleleader

Jennifer Cowley Links & Resources

• Book an Imposter Syndrome Reset Session: Jennifercowley.com/reset

• Watch or Listen to Previous Episodes: jennifercowley.com/podcast

• Connect with Jennifer: LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube

• Shop Ethical Apparel for Professional Women: Peakwomen.com.au

If you have ever found yourself in a meeting where you had to push a critical project forward without the official title, rank, or formal authority to back it up, you already know the quiet frustration of modern leadership.

For many women in professional roles, particularly across structured sectors like the public service or corporate management, the default reaction to a lack of formal authority is to work harder. We over-prepare our slide decks. We gather mountains of data to prove our point. We speak faster, try to pitch harder, or attempt to out-argue pushback. When that strategy fails to shift the room, we often assume the problem lies within us. We tell ourselves that our position isn’t senior enough, our communication style is flawed, or our confidence is lacking. The reality is far simpler: you are trying to use force where you need to use influence.

Real influence is not about position, rank, or who can speak the loudest. It is the invisible currency of leadership. It is the ability to shift perspectives, shape consensus, and inspire trust without relying on formal power. When you understand how to harness influence, you stop struggling for a seat at the table and start quietly directing the conversation.

Representation vs. Authority

The subtle art of influence becomes clearest when you are forced to lead from the middle. Early in my career, I spent time working as an Executive Officer to high-level officials within the Australian Federal Government. Day to day, nearly every person I engaged with was significantly more senior than I was. Yet, I was tasked with shaping decisions, navigating complex stakeholder relationships, and moving key government initiatives forward.

When you work in that capacity, you quickly learn a crucial lesson about leadership presence: you are not operating solely as an individual. You are a spokesperson and a representative. Everything you say carries the weight of the office you represent. If you attempt to use personal ego or heavy-handed direction, the system resists. But if you learn how to manage up, listen deeply, and frame discussions strategically, you gain an incredible ability to steer outcomes quietly.

You do not need a title to guide a decision. Influence works because it bypasses the natural resistance that formal authority often creates. When you demand compliance, you get passive resistance at best. When you cultivate influence, you get genuine alignment.

The Trap of Loud Leadership

We have been conditioned to believe that influential people dominate rooms. We picture the executive who commands the boardroom table with sharp counterarguments, an unyielding posture and occasionally banging their fist on the table. This view of leadership leads many capable women straight into an exhaustion trap, or worse. They decide leadership isn’t for them because they can’t or won’t behave in the same way.

When you believe influence requires dominance, you spend mental energy trying to perfect the unperfectible. You attempt to anticipate every single objection before a meeting even starts. When a difficult stakeholder shuts down your idea, you pull back, retreat into the comfort of technical delivery, and double down on execution. You tell yourself, “If I just produce perfect work, they will eventually listen.”

Perfect work does not create influence. Connection, trust, and strategic positioning create influence. To move from tactical delivery to strategic impact, you must replace the pursuit of dominance with three grounded pillars of influence: Persuasive Listening, Strategic Networking, and Coaching Questions.

Pillar 1: Persuasive Listening - Uncovering the Hidden Motivation

Most people do not listen to understand. They listen to respond. While the other person is speaking, they are already building their counterargument, waiting for a pause to drop their next data point.

Influential leaders operate differently. They use persuasive listening.

Persuasive listening is the deliberate practice of devoting your full attention to unearthing the underlying priorities, fears, and motivations of the person across the table. When a colleague or stakeholder pushes back on your proposal, their resistance is almost never about your data. It is usually driven by a hidden fear:

• Fear of lost budget or resources.

• Fear of team burnout and overcommitted bandwidth.

• Fear of exposure or failure in front of senior executives.

Consider how this plays out with a difficult stakeholder. Imagine someone in your organisation who is notoriously standoffish, dismissive, or negative toward your team’s deliverables. The instinct is either to avoid them entirely or to enter the room armed for a debate.

If you use persuasive listening instead, you drop the need to defend your proposal immediately. You ask targeted questions and let them speak. As they air their concerns, you listen for the root cause of their frustration. Have they been burned by a similar project in the past? Are they trying to protect their team from extra workload? Do they feel their expertise has been ignored?

When you mirror their core concerns back to them accurately, their nervous system relaxes. The defensive wall drops. They stop fighting to be heard because you have already granted them that validation. Once a stakeholder feels genuinely understood, they become receptive to your perspective. You gain influence not by winning an argument, but by addressing the fear underneath it.

Pillar 2: Strategic Networking - Building Social Capital Before You Need It

Networking makes many professionals uncomfortable. The term often brings to mind awkward corporate mixers, transactional business card swaps, and superficial small talk while trying to figure out who in the room is “important.” True strategic networking is none of those things. It is simply the process of building social capital.

If the very first time a peer or senior leader hears from you is when you desperately need their sign-off on a tight deadline, you are asking to draw credit from a bank account where you have made zero deposits. Influential leaders build relationships in low-pressure moments so that high-pressure collaborations are seamless.

Reframe networking away from self-promotion and toward offering value without expecting an immediate return.

• Can you introduce two colleagues who are working on similar challenges?

• Can you share a project template or report structure that saved your team time?

• Can you offer 15 minutes to review a job application or give feedback on a proposal?

None of these actions require significant energy, but they establish you as a generous, connected, and reliable colleague. You are quietly building a network of people across departments who know your value and respect your approach.

When promotion discussions happen, or when strategic cross-agency initiatives are formed, influence determines whose name gets raised behind closed doors. It is rarely just about what you know. It is about who knows how you operate, how you support others, and how you solve problems.

Pillar 3: Coaching Questions - Guiding Consensus Instead of Demanding It

The least effective way to influence anyone is to tell them what to do. Direct instruction creates compliance at best and active resistance at worst. Adopting a coaching communication style shifts you from a manager who directs to a leader who enables. Instead of providing immediate answers or trying to push your exact solution onto the room, you ask strategic, high-leverage questions that guide others to reach the necessary conclusion themselves. When people help co-create a solution, they take immediate ownership of the outcome.

Imagine you are in a meeting where a stakeholder insists on adding new deliverables to a project that is already stretched for capacity. Instead of arguing, “We can’t take this on, my team doesn’t have the resources,” reframing the issue into a strategic choice shifts the dynamic entirely.

You can ask:

“If we prioritize this new delivery by the end of the month, what specific trade-offs is the executive team comfortable accepting regarding our existing milestones?”

Notice what happens in the room when you ask a question like this:

1. You step out of a defensive position. You are no longer complaining about bandwidth or being viewed as unhelpful.

2. You force the room to collectively focus on the real problem: resource allocation and strategic trade-offs.

3. You guide the stakeholders to acknowledge the constraint themselves.

When the group wrestles with the trade-offs and arrives at the conclusion that a deadline must move or extra resources must be allocated, it becomes their decision, not an argument you had to win.

Focus on One Strategic Pivot

You do not need to overhaul your entire leadership style overnight. Attempting to master every nuance of influence at once only leads to overwhelm, which is the enemy of confident action. Confidence and effective leadership are built incrementally through practical application, learning from missteps, and accepting that perfection is an impossible standard.

For the coming week, commit to testing one single change. In your very next meeting with a difficult stakeholder or peer, decide before you walk into the room that you will not fight for your position upfront. Instead, ask open questions, listen for the underlying fear or priority driving their stance, and reflect that priority back to them before offering a path forward. Observe how the energy in the room shifts when you stop trying to control the conversation and start using influence to guide it.

True Influence Starts from Within

Leadership confidence is not a set of rigid tools you pick up from a manual, nor is it about having every answer ready on demand. It begins internally when you let go of the need to be the loudest voice in the room, trust the unique value you bring, and lead with calm authority. When you step away from force and step into genuine influence, you protect your team’s bandwidth, earn the respect of your peers, and move your career forward on your own terms.

Influence is often misunderstood as power, rank, or the ability to dominate a room. In reality, real influence is the invisible currency that allows you to shift perspectives, shape consensus, and inspire trust without relying on force or formal position. Drawing on her early career experience working as an executive officer in the Australian Federal Government, Jennifer shares how quiet authority and strategic communication can shape high-level decisions and elevate your leadership trajectory.

Key Takeaways

• The Influence Trap: Trying to gain influence through hard selling, over-preparing, or shouting louder usually backfires. True influence relies on connection and trust, not volume or authority.

• Persuasive Listening: Most people listen to respond, but influential leaders listen to understand. Unearthing the underlying fears and motivations of others calms their nervous system and makes them receptive to your perspective.

• Strategic Networking as Social Capital: Networking is not about transactional business card swaps. It is about building trust in low-pressure moments by offering value and support without expecting anything immediate in return.

• Coaching Style Over Direct Command: Direct instruction causes compliance or passive resistance. Using targeted, high-leverage questions allows others to co-create solutions and take ownership of outcomes.

Action Step for This Week

Select one of the below pillars of influence to focus on over the next seven days:

• Practice persuasive listening in your next difficult stakeholder meeting.

• Reach out to one person in your broader network to offer support or catch up without asking for anything in return.

• Replace a direct instruction with a guided coaching question during a one-on-one session.

The Leadership Confidence Framework Broken Down

Jennifer uses the Leadership Confidence Transformation roadmap below to guide coaching clients away from superficial management tactics and toward internal transformation.

• Step 1: Breaking Barriers: Identifying the internal glass ceilings holding you back. This step addresses the root causes of negative self-talk (Episode 7), maps the boundaries of imposter syndrome (Episode 6), and uncovers how underlying fears surface during high-stakes interactions (Episode 8).

• Step 2: Building Value: Uncovering your specific genius zone (Episode 9) and identifying your personal confidence amplifiers (Episode 10). This involves anchoring your presence in your unique values, understanding your distinct strengths, and trusting the unique perspective you bring to executive decision-making.

• Step 3: Being Seen: Stepping into true professional authority. This phase focuses on projecting a calm gravitas, actively uplifting other women leaders at the meeting table, and expanding your strategic network to spread your influence across the broader organisational ecosystem.

Links & Resources

• Book an Imposter Syndrome Reset Session: Jennifercowley.com/reset

• Watch or Listen to Previous Episodes: jennifercowley.com/podcast

• Connect with Jennifer: LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube

• Shop Ethical Apparel for Professional Women: Peakwomen.com.au

Connect & Support

If this episode helped you reframe your leadership approach, please subscribe, follow, or leave a review on your preferred podcast platform. Sharing this episode helps reach more professional women who need to hear this message.

Remember: Being you is your superpower.

Do you ever feel like you need to be the loudest person in the room just to be heard? Or perhaps you believe that to step into a senior executive role, you have to adopt an aggressive, traditional leadership style that feels completely unnatural to you.

Many professional women carry the hidden belief that leadership presence requires a constant performance. We tell ourselves that we need to command attention through dominance, speak faster to hold the floor, or have an instant answer for every question thrown our way. This is an exhausting way to lead. It leaves you feeling like an actor playing a role rather than an authentic leader asserting your worth. Worse, it leads directly to burnout, imposter syndrome, and a persistent feeling that you are one meeting away from being found out.

The High Cost of Over-Functioning

When you enter a high-stakes meeting feeling quietly insecure about your standing, your mind goes into overdrive. You start over-functioning just to survive the room. Corporate culture has long rewarded visible noise over quiet substance. As a result, many high-achieving women fall into the trap of over-explaining their decisions or jumping into technical debates prematurely just to prove they belong at the table.

When you operate from this place of internal tension, your behaviour subtly shifts into self-preservation. You spend your mental bandwidth managing how others perceive you rather than focusing on the strategic outcome of the meeting. This constant need to prove your capability actually erodes the very presence you are trying to build. When you spend your energy attempting to control the room, you stop listening, you stop observing, and your nervous system enters a heightened state of stress.

Presence begins when performance stops. Real authority is not about taking up physical space through volume or pretending to know things you do not. It is rooted in self-awareness, self-control, and the capacity to sit comfortably in your unique perspective without needing to defend yourself.

The Neurobiology of the Room

Leadership presence is not just a mental concept. It is a physical, biological reality that takes place in your body long before you speak a single word. When you step into a meeting room or present to senior stakeholders, your brain often registers the high-stakes environment as a threat. Without conscious intervention, your nervous system triggers subtle stress responses. Your heart rate increases, your breath becomes shallow in your chest, and your speaking voice accelerates.

Human beings are wired for co-regulation so we easily pick up on micro-cues constantly. If you enter a meeting carrying high internal anxiety, the room feels that instability on a subconscious level. People may unconsciously push back against your ideas, interrupt you more frequently, or question your authority, not because your ideas are bad, but because your physical presence communicates uncertainty.

Real authority is about being the most stable, regulated presence in the room. When the energy in a meeting becomes chaotic or tense, a grounded leader does not absorb that chaos. She anchors the space.

Three Habits That Are Silently Damaging Your Presence

To understand why your presence might be falling flat, you must look at the subtle habits that undermine your authority. Most professional women carry at least one of these three common presence killers into their daily work.

• Over-explaining your decisions. Continuing to talk long after your core point has been made is a clear sign of internal anxiety. It usually stems from a desire to shield yourself from potential criticism. When you over-justify your choices, you invite unnecessary debate and signal that you are seeking validation rather than stating a firm boundary.

• Vocal acceleration and physical shrinking. Speaking at double speed and pulling your body inward are subconscious attempts to get attention off yourself as quickly as possible. When you rush through your points, you communicate that your time on the floor is not valuable.

• The need to have every answer. Treating leadership as a test of perfectionism creates immense internal pressure. When you feel forced to fake an answer or guess on the spot, you risk your credibility. A truly confident leader is comfortable stating what she knows, and equally comfortable stating what she will investigate next.

The Lesson of the Cheetah: Professionalism Over Proof

To break these habits, it helps to picture a simple metaphor from nature.

Imagine a racetrack surrounded by energetic dogs, barking and sprinting at top speed to prove who among them is the fastest. Sitting calmly on the sidelines is a cheetah. The cheetah possesses absolute, undeniable power and speed. Yet, it does not bother to join the chaotic race. It does not feel the urge to sprint around the track just to prove its capability to an audience.

The cheetah knows its worth. It does not need to constantly display it.

Many professional women treat every meeting like that chaotic racetrack. They feel compelled to jump into every debate, validate every point, and prove their intelligence at every turn. Trying to constantly prove that you are qualified is often an insult to your true capability. When you step into a room secure in your skills, you stop entering unnecessary races. You maintain absolute professionalism, step back, and allow your value to speak for itself.

The Solution: The Two-Minute Grounding Routine

Now that we understand the internal traps and the neurobiology of the room, how do we fix it?

You do not need a complex ten-step framework or an aggressive personality makeover. You only need one repeatable tactic that resets your nervous system and anchors your mind before you step into any professional setting.

Try Physical and Intentional Grounding.

Instead of rushing from one task to the next in a state of continuous distraction, build a strict two-minute transition habit before every key meeting. Before opening your video call or walking through the meeting room door, execute these three steps:

• First, state your precise intent for the meeting in one short sentence. Decide in advance what your contribution needs to be. Are you there to make a final decision, offer strategic alignment, or simply observe and gather facts? Clarifying your role prevents you from falling into defensive over-performance.

• Second, reset your physical body. Take two slow, deep diaphragmatic breaths. Plant both feet flat on the floor, drop your shoulders down away from your ears, and unclench your jaw. Physical contact with the floor signals immediate safety to your brain, lowering your heart rate and releasing the tension in your voice.

• Third, commit to speaking early. Make a meaningful contribution or ask a strategic clarifying question within the first five to ten minutes of the meeting. Speak at two-thirds of your normal speed. Slow, deliberate speech projects that you are comfortable taking up time and space. Breaking the silence early releases the pressure building in your mind and establishes your voice as an active anchor in the conversation.

Acceptance Over Perfection

Confidence does not come from being flawless, because perfection is an unattainable standard. Real leadership confidence comes from knowing that you cannot control every variable in the room, but you have the internal resilience to handle whatever comes next.

When you let go of the need to perform and embrace who you authentically are, your leadership presence transforms naturally. You stop trying to dominate the room, and you start anchoring it.

Step out of performance mode. Trust your baseline value. Take your seat at the table with quiet, grounded, and lasting authority.When you show up in this way, people will see your strength and your value.

“Confidence does not come from being flawless, because you are never going to get it perfect. Stop trying to perfect the unperfectible. Confidence comes from knowing that you can handle whatever comes next.”

Do you ever feel like you need to be the loudest person in the room to be heard? Or perhaps you believe that to step into a senior role, you have to mimic aggressive, traditional leadership styles that feel entirely unnatural to you?

In this episode of The Leadership Confidence Podcast, Jennifer Cowley breaks down the first part of Step 3 in the Leadership Confidence Framework: Being Seen.

Jennifer explores what leadership presence actually means, busting the myth that authority comes from performance, dominating conversations, or knowing every single answer. Drawing from her own experience transitioning into leading a highly technical systems team without being a subject matter expert, she shares how sitting in your unique value, regulating your nervous system, and embracing deliberate communication will transform how you show up in every meeting.

Whether you are managing highly intelligent specialists, navigating stressful boardrooms, or trying to break the habit of over-explaining your decisions, this episode gives you the exact tools to step out of performance mode and lead with grounded authority.

Key Takeaways

• Leadership presence is not a performance, a posture, or an aggressive personality trait. It is self-awareness, self-control, and the ability to sit comfortably in your unique perspective without over-explaining or protecting your ego.

• The Lesson of the Cheetah: Professionalism over Proof. You do not always need to jump into every race or prove you have all the answers. True authority knows its worth without needing to constantly display it.

• When you enter a room flooded with stress, your body projects micro-cues through fast speech, shallow breathing, and tension. Learn why real authority is about being the most stable, regulated presence in the room.

• 3 Habits That Are Silently Damaging Your Presence

  1. Over-explaining: Continuing to talk after your point is made to shield yourself from potential criticism.

  2. Vocal Acceleration & Shrinking: Speaking at double speed and pulling your body inward to get the attention off you quickly.

  3. The Need to Have Every Answer: Treating leadership as perfectionism rather than trusting your ability to navigate the next step.

• 3 Quick Ways to Shift to a Stronger Presence Today

  1. Define your specific value and focus before you join a meeting.

  2. Physically ground yourself by planting your feet, dropping your shoulders, and taking deep diaphragmatic breaths.

  3. Commit to contributing within the first 5 to 10 minutes to break anxiety early.

The Leadership Confidence Framework Broken Down

Jennifer uses the Leadership Confidence Transformation roadmap below to guide coaching clients away from superficial management tactics and toward internal transformation.

• Step 1: Breaking Barriers: Identifying the internal glass ceilings holding you back. This step addresses the root causes of negative self-talk (Episode 7), maps the boundaries of imposter syndrome (Episode 6), and uncovers how underlying fears surface during high-stakes interactions (Episode 8).

• Step 2: Building Value: Uncovering your specific genius zone (Episode 9) and identifying your personal confidence amplifiers (Episode 10). This involves anchoring your presence in your unique values, understanding your distinct strengths, and trusting the unique perspective you bring to executive decision-making.

• Step 3: Being Seen: Stepping into true professional authority. This phase focuses on projecting a calm gravitas, actively uplifting other women leaders at the meeting table, and expanding your strategic network to spread your influence across the broader organisational ecosystem.

Links & Resources

• Book an Imposter Syndrome Reset Session: Jennifercowley.com/reset

• Watch or Listen to Previous Episodes: jennifercowley.com/podcast

• Connect with Jennifer: LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube

• Shop Ethical Apparel for Professional Women: Peakwomen.com.au

If this episode helped you rethink how you show up in your career, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with a colleague who needs to hear it today. Remember, being you is your superpower!

You have done the hard internal work. You have spent time identifying your unique strengths, understanding your genius, and dissecting where your imposter syndrome actually comes from. You know, on a logical level, that you deserve to be in the room.

Then a last-minute meeting invite drops into your calendar.

You see the subject line, and instantly, your body takes over. Your heart rate spikes. Your throat tightens. A cold knot settles right in your diaphragm. In the two-minute walk from your desk to the meeting room, or the thirty seconds spent waiting for the Zoom link to open, all that carefully built self-assurance drains out of you.

In those moments, telling yourself to “just feel confident” is entirely useless.

When your nervous system is flooded with cortisol, your brain is operating from a primitive threat response. The brain does not care about your career ambitions, your promotional goals, or your last performance review. Its only job is to protect you from potential social rejection, failure, or discomfort. It floods you with fear to keep you safe in your comfort zone.

Building long-term self-assurance is an internal process, but navigating acute moments of anxiety requires immediate, practical tools. Here is the science behind why willpower fails under pressure, and how to regain control in high-stakes situations.

The Mechanics of Immediate Action: Choose Your Single Amplifier

To pull your nervous system out of a stress spiral, you must give your brain a concrete physical or cognitive anchor. You cannot think your way out of a physiological stress response, but you can act your way through it. While there are several ways to shift your mindset, the key to success is choosing one reliable tool and mastering it. Trying to execute five different mindset tricks when you are already overwhelmed will only increase your stress.

Below are five science-backed confidence amplifiers. Read through them, test them in your daily routine, and pick the single tool that feels most accessible to you.

1. Enclothed Cognition

In 2012, researchers Hajo Adam and Adam Galinski coined the term enclothed cognition to describe the systematic influence that clothes have on the wearer’s psychological processes. In their study, participants were given identical white coats. Half were told the coat belonged to a doctor, while the other half were told it belonged to a painter. The participants who believed they were wearing a doctor’s coat displayed a statistically significant increase in sustained attention, accuracy, and processing speed. The garment itself did not alter their IQ, but it activated a psychological framework associated with precision, authority, and decisiveness.

Further research in 2015 specifically examined corporate attire, confirming that wearing structured, tailored clothing, such as a sharp blazer, immediately increases abstract thinking, enhances focus, and boosts an individual’s sense of power. When you put on a structured garment, you leverage a cognitive shortcut. It allows you to step into the role of a professional decision-maker, making it easier to depersonalise constructive criticism and speak up in meetings.

• How to use it: Identify the single item in your wardrobe that changes your physical posture when you put it on. If you are heading into a difficult discussion, put that piece on intentionally. If you do not want to buy new clothes, shop your own wardrobe. Try on different pieces and watch your face in the mirror. You are looking for the item that naturally makes you stand tall and smile at your reflection.

2. Personalised Affirmation Loops

Generic, fluffy affirmations like “I am unstoppable” often backfire. When your internal state feels panicked and you repeat a superficial positive phrase, your primitive brain detects the gap between reality and expectation. It rejects the statement as a lie, creating cognitive dissonance that actually escalates your stress.

For an affirmation to work, it must be grounded in a realistic reframe of your specific fear.

• How to use it: Write down the exact negative thought swirling in your mind. On the other side of the page, rewrite it into a grounded truth. For example, change “I am going to fail this presentation and look foolish” to “I am prepared, I understand this material, and I am learning how to present under pressure.”

• The Execution: Record yourself reading your reframed statements on your phone’s voice memo app, leaving brief pauses between each sentence. When you are stuck in a negative headspace, listen to your own voice delivering those logical truths back to you. Listening removes the cognitive effort of trying to force a positive thought when your brain is resistant.

3. High-Baseline Music

Music is one of the fastest ways to shift your neurochemistry. Studies show that listening to music with heavy basslines stimulates feelings of power, control, and readiness to tackle complex tasks.

• How to use it: Build a targeted playlist of high-tempo, empowering tracks that have no connection to negative memories or heartbreak. Use this playlist as an operational tool during your morning routine or on your drive to a critical meeting to actively drive down pre-performance anxiety.

4. Expansive Posture

Social psychologist Amy Cuddy’s research into posture demonstrates that body language does not merely reflect how we feel, it directly influences our internal state. When humans feel intimidated or uncertain, the natural reaction is to pull the shoulders in, cross the arms, and make the body as small as possible. This closed posture reinforces to your brain that you are under threat. Conversely, taking up physical space signals safety and authority to your nervous system.

• How to use it: Before stepping into a high-stakes environment, spend two minutes holding an open, expansive posture in private. Stand tall, place your hands firmly on your hips, drop your shoulders back, and breathe deeply. Taking up physical space for 120 seconds helps lower cortisol levels and settles your physical baseline.

5. Box Breathing

When panic takes over, your breathing becomes shallow and rapid, signalling to your brain that you are in physical danger. Box breathing is a simple tactical tool used to manually interrupt that feedback loop, lower your heart rate, and regain control over your nervous system.

• How to use it: Trace a visual box in your mind using a four-second rhythm:

  1. Inhale slowly through your nose for 4 seconds.

  2. Hold your breath for 4 seconds.

  3. Exhale slowly through your mouth for 4 seconds.

  4. Hold your lungs empty for 4 seconds.

• Repeat this circuit four times. The predictable rhythm forces your nervous system out of fight-or-flight mode, giving you back clarity before you need to speak.

Action Step: Select Your Go-To Tool

Perfection is an illusion, and waiting until you feel 100% fearless before taking on new challenges will keep your career stagnant. True leadership confidence is not about eliminating self-doubt entirely. It is about having a reliable mechanism to manage your nervous system when that self-doubt inevitably appears.

Look through the five amplifiers above and select one tactic to test this week. Whether you decide to pull out your power blazer, set up a personalised voice memo, or practice box breathing before your next call, commit to using it as your primary anchor.

Master that single tool, rely on it when the pressure builds, and allow yourself to show up as the leader you already are.

In this episode of the Leadership Confidence Podcast, Jennifer Cowley breaks down why simple willpower fails when your nervous system goes into overdrive. More importantly, she shares practical, science-backed “confidence amplifiers” designed to reset your physiology, quiet your inner critic, and ground you right when you need it most.

Key Takeaways

• Amplifier 1: Enclothed Cognition

  Research demonstrates that structured, tailored clothing (like a sharp blazer) directly influences your psychological state. Wearing targeted professional pieces increases abstract thinking, speeds up decision-making, and helps you process constructive feedback objectively rather than taking it personally.

• Amplifier 2: Personalised Affirmation Loops

  Why generic positive statements get rejected by your brain, and how to create grounded, personal reframes that stick.

• Amplifier 3: Music

  Using heavy bass lines and empowering tracks to instantly shift your neurochemistry before high-stakes tasks. Listen to my confidence boosting playlist that I use for a pick me up. Spotify Playlist

• Amplifier 4: Expansive Power Posing

  Applying Amy Cuddy’s research to open up your posture, balance cortisol levels, and assert space. Watch Amy Cuddy’s TED Talk on Power Poses to learn more.

• Amplifier 5: Box Breathing

  A practical two-minute physical circuit to reset your autonomic nervous system and regain control.

  When adrenaline spikes before a presentation or meeting, use this physical reset to lower your heart rate:

  1. Inhale through your nose for 4 seconds.

  2. Hold your breath for 4 seconds.

  3. Exhale through your mouth for 4 seconds.

  4. Hold empty for 4 seconds.

     Repeat for 4 full cycles.

Take Action

Do not try to implement all five techniques at once. Pick one confidence amplifier from today’s episode, whether that is pulling out your power blazer, curating a heavy-bass playlist, or recording a short voice reframe on your phone. Test it out before your next high-stakes meeting and notice the immediate shift in your posture and state of mind.

The Leadership Confidence Framework Broken Down

Jennifer uses the Leadership Confidence Transformation roadmap below to guide coaching clients away from superficial management tactics and toward internal transformation.

• Step 1: Breaking Barriers: Identifying the internal glass ceilings holding you back. This step addresses the root causes of negative self-talk, maps the boundaries of imposter syndrome, and uncovers how underlying fears surface during high-stakes boardroom interactions.

• Step 2: Building Value: Uncovering your specific genius zone and identifying your personal confidence amplifiers. This involves anchoring your presence in your unique values, understanding your distinct strengths, and trusting the unique perspective you bring to executive decision-making.

• Step 3: Being Seen: Stepping into true professional authority. This phase focuses on projecting a calm gravitas, actively uplifting other women leaders at the meeting table, and expanding your strategic network to spread your influence across the broader organisational ecosystem.

Links & Resources

• Book an Imposter Syndrome Reset Session: Jennifercowley.com/reset

• Watch or Listen to Previous Episodes: jennifercowley.com/podcast

• Amy Cuddy’s TED Talk on Power Poses

• Spotify Playlist

• Connect with Jennifer: LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube

• Shop Ethical Apparel for Professional Women: Peakwomen.com.au

If this episode helped you realise that you do not need to have all the answers to be an exceptional leader, please subscribe, rate, and leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Sharing this episode with a colleague helps us reach more women, break through workplace barriers, and build authentic authority together.