Key Takeaway: People skills will be the most important in any workplace.

Everywhere you look these days there are ai generated images, writing and worry about ai taking people’s jobs. The hard truth is yes, ai will take some jobs just the same as the car took the jobs of the people who made wagons and the telephone took the jobs of the telegram operators. One thing that we can also learn from these transitions is that ai will also create jobs. Car manufacturing became a new occupation as did telephone operators. My children will work in industries we can’t even imagine at this stage so what do we learn now and what do we teach our children to be successful in the coming era?

The skills that will survive the ai evolution

My sphere is full of people talking about ai taking away our writing skills and our creativity as it learns how to write more eloquently and casually. There will also continue to be rapid advancement in the world of robotics removing the need for menial, repetitive tasks. These skills have been the focus of productivity and work performance since the industrial revolution. What happens when they are the jobs that are replaced by ai and robotics?

The one thing to remember is there will still be people. If you are not technically minded and the thought of learning prompts or robotics is overwhelming, consider what skills you already have that will remain relevant as we live through this change. Those with soft leadership and personable engagement skills are difficult to replicate through ai. Even with ai, people will still be people; unpredictable, creative and in need of engagement.

A task focused leader is one who is puts the outcome above all else. Their main focus is on deadlines, processes and moving to the next goals. Instead people focused leaders who focus on collaboration, engagement and development of others will stand out as we move away from people doing the basic tasks.

For those of us who strive for continuous learning, open to failure and are genuinely people focused leaders, it will be easier to find work in an ai future. Coders, prompters, robot engineers will all need leadership and mentoring to succeed in their roles. Often referred to as ‘soft skills’, developing your ability to influence, communicate and engage with others from diverse backgrounds and experiences will help your leadership grow both now and into the ai future.

EQ vs IQ

While, Intellectual Intelligence (IQ) will continue to be at the forefront of technology while ai continues to advance, Emotional Intelligence (EQ) will become more important as the ai starts to manage and develop itself. Some researchers argue that the Gen Z and Alpha have more EQ than ever before and that this trend will continue to grow with every generation as they continue to articulate their feelings more openly and engage with discomfort and dislike in a way we have never experienced before. They are more likely to talk about how they feel, how events are impacting on them and how others may feel differently. This tells me that leaders who continue to develop their EQ will have a different impact in the future workplace as the younger generations advance through the ranks.

Transitioning from Task Focused to People Focused

When I was younger and more junior, the task was the most important thing. Especially when I had no actual staff reporting directly to me, and even when I did I was focused on hitting the next milestone, being better than everyone else and relying on HR policy to dictate every person related decision I made. When I first had a management role, people would ask if I was previously in the military given how abrupt I was with my direction and communication.

As I got older and moved up into middle management, I had the opportunity to work closely with some quite senior executives. During this time, I witnessed and experienced directly some very unprofessional behaviour. This changed how I saw success and leadership, and really started to clearly define what type of leader I did not want to be. Then one day one of them said to me, “Jen, I need you to bulldoze your way into the mess and fix it for me.” That’s when I stopped and realised that was my style. I was organised, direct, efficient sure but did I want to have the reputation as the bulldozer? That’s when I started trying to focus on influence over control, engagement over direction and support instead of authority. It’s not an easy transition when you have been tasked focused for so long but I eventually realised I love people. I enjoy listening to their ideas, differences and experiences. I appreciate their different viewpoints and can anticipate their concerns. I can help them navigate their barriers to development and I can development my own leadership while doing it all.

Focus on the People and the Task will get done.

This concept was first described by Peter Drucker, often referred to as the “Godfather of Modern Management”, his focus was on helping others to succeed. This is something many leaders struggle with as they are often dealing with their own pressures, poor upper management, tight deadlines and need to prove themselves. The positive feedback from staff that I have seen from the shift in my leadership is always refreshing. Some of the decisions I make are a success and others are an important lesson. Last month when I made an unprecedented decision supporting staff to be more flexible with their time and focusing less on the output, the management team below me were shocked. After laying out the reasons they thought my decision wasn’t good, one of them told me “I have never experienced leadership like this before.” My response was exactly. I took full responsibility for any issues or failures that occurred because of the change and knew I could revert to the previous arrangements if it didn’t work out. The risk was minimal but I felt I had done something positive and we are all still learning the lessons from that change.

“Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things.” Peter Drucker

The ai era will be just what people need to focus less on the output and more on how they can help and engage with each other. Even if you are not worried about ai stealing your job in the future, focusing on the softer skills of leadership will benefit your career as the younger generations flow into the workforce. Gone are the days of aggressive, tyrannical leaders and instead we focus on terms like vulnerable or authentic leadership. Are you a task focused leader worried about deadlines, efficiency and profit more than the people who work for you? If so have a think about how you can start to listen more to those people and their needs. Supporting them may just improve efficiency and increase output or profit.

Take action: Upgrade one soft skill. Pick listening, influence, or feedback and practise it intentionally for 7 days.

Want to know how to work with me? Book a 20 minute introductory call and lets find how you can step into leadership confidence.

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Key Takeaway: You don’t need to operate at 110% to be effective. Aim for 75% effort while being strategic about prioritising, delegating, and setting expectations can protect your wellbeing without hurting performance.

Most of us are working in a world where women feel the constant pressure to work at 110%, work more hours, deliver over and above the capacity of a standard 40 hour work week just to prove they deserve their job. Women are drowning in perfectionism and working longer hours than normal thanks to work from home flexible arrangements and the concept of “doing it all”. So how do we take a step back, give ourselves some breathing room but still feel like we are contributing enough at work?

Why do we feel the need to perform at such a high level, especially when our male colleagues are usually not working or delivering nearly as much as we are. Imposter syndrome and the fear of people thinking we don’t deserve our role, that we were promoted too soon, or that we are destined to fail push us to work longer and harder than others. The fear of these negative thoughts or comments from others is what drives us to constantly need to prove ourselves.

I see it constantly with women particularly in middle or senior management. The long hours, the sacrifices, the compensating for lacklustre performances from male colleagues or underperforming teams. Even just the need to take time off to care for a sick child (or heaven forbid) ourselves is difficult to do without the guilt creeping in and the knowledge that the work is just piling up in our absence.

Your 75% effort is worth more than others 100% effort.

If you reduced your work input by 25% most people wouldn’t even notice. We have all heard this advice before but this is your reminder to put it on a post-it note under your computer screen, put a daily reminder in your phone or print it on a t-shirt so it doesn’t get forgotten. This is not about slacking off or underperforming to the point your leader’s decide you need to be managed but taking a step back, prioritising the workload, delegating where possible and setting realistic expectations for yourself and with your managers.

You can only do what you can do, anything beyond that is unreasonable.

Strategic Under Delivery goes one step further and encourages you to push towards deadlines in a strategic way rather than through sheer overload or procrastination. If you have plenty of time before a set deadline, but it is a simple task you could get done immediately, set aside some time to complete the task but don’t deliver on it immediately. Just because you can get it done and off our plate does not mean you need to rush into it. By over delivering and getting the task finished early, you are setting an expectation with your boss that you can deliver your workload in a much quicker timeframe encouraging them to give shorter and shorter turnaround times. This can lead to unrealistic pressures being placed on your work compared to others in the workplace. It also removes your ability to take time out to focus on your professional development, step in when urgent tasks inevitably arise, engage with your team or in some cases even take a lunch break.

If this is already where you find yourself, it is ok to push back against unrealistic deadlines and set the expectation for the workload that is more reasonable and achievable in amongst your other priorities. Do this early and not 2 hours after your boss expected it on their desk. This only makes you look unprofessional and pushes you towards underperformance. Communicate expectations with those around you to ensure you have a clear deadline that everyone is aware of.

Does Strategic Under Delivery actually work?

When I first returned to my government job after 13 months maternity leave I was tasked with drafting a whole of government strategy on something I had very limited subject matter expertise on. By the end of the first week I had drafted a very rough version for initial review by the senior manager. The following Monday I had a reply with 2 basic changes and a return date by the end of that week. I looked at it and thought, I could do it in an hour or 2 and send it straight back but that would set the expectation that I could turn everything around in such a short timeframe. I had been given a week, so I made the changes requested and then sent it to some stakeholders for their initial input. Being government, consultation is everything and is often rushed or overlooked entirely. Being a broad document, it would need consultation inevitably, but I took the opportunity to add value to what was being provided back to the senior executive and start off on the right foot with those that would need to be onboard with the strategy at a later date.

The feedback I received when the next version was reviewed was very positive, including that my delivery was a unique advantage that my peers didn’t often display. Not only had I delivered in the required timeframe, I had surpassed expectations and out shined my colleagues - and all in week two of returning to work without working any additional hours or sacrificing time away from my family. It was through this experience that I first coined the term strategic under delivery.

So what could this look like for you:

• Pushing back on an unrealistic deadline well before it arrives.

• Not rushing into every task

• Allowing it to be imperfect

• Going for a walk on your lunch break instead of inhaling a packet of chips in between meetings

• Leaving early every now and then without the guilt

The Eisenhower Window: a tool to help identify where to place your 75% effort

A common tool for prioritising work is the Eisenhower window. Named after President Eisenhower, this tool helps you to identify where to place most of your focus. You can take this and make it more relevant to your needs or situation but the general concept is to identify the tasks that are your priorities, focus areas, need delegation or should be cancelled all together. The ideal focus area is the Important / Not Urgent category which usually stops most things from moving into the Urgent Category and overwhelming you. When the majority of your work is under control and being managed in the Important / Not Urgent category it also allows you to make room for those Urgent / Important tasks that crop up unexpectedly. The difficult part is not putting everything on your to do list into the Important / Urgent category.

Give it a go and let me know if this tool works for you.

You can’t delegate your life to someone else so stop letting work get in the way of it.

I once had a boss say to me that everyone is replaceable. If you won the lotto today and didn’t need to turn up to work tomorrow, the work would continue without you. Don’t lose yourself in unmanageable workloads or trying to prove yourself to others. Take steps today to balance your workload better, commit to working that little bit less and start focusing on you and what really matters outside of work.

Take Action: Use the Eisenhower Window today. List your current tasks, categorise them and move at least one item out of “Urgent/Important” by either delegating it or renegotiating the deadline.

Key takeaway: Failure is an opportunity for growth and improvement. Find the lesson in mistakes and you will become more confident next time.

This is a time I failed.

I was working for a new boss and trying to get them onboard with a cultural reform project I had developed. I had already changed the name for the project from what the higher ups wanted. I knew language was important and wanted the staff on board from the get go. I changed the stressful word ‘change’ to ‘improvement’ and the aggressive word ‘taskforce’ to the gentler ‘program’ to help staff see the positives in what we were trying to achieve. In order to advise the teams of this ‘Improvement Plan’ I said we were holding a virtual Town Hall for the 500 plus staff. I had aced it with the boss, she loved it and approved my plan for the meeting. I smugly thought to myself, “I have won over the boss with the amazing term town hall. Well done me.”

Cut to the meeting a week later and no one turned up for the announcement. FAIL! When I ran into some of the staff a little while later I asked them why they didn’t attend. Their response made me realise that I was trying to impress the wrong people. For all of my focus on making sure I got the terms of the Improvement Program right and my boss onside with the plan. The staff had never heard of a town hall and assumed it wasn’t for them. I was focused in the wrong direction and got it wrong.

The inevitability of failure

Failure, making mistakes or getting it wrong are all parts of being human. Nothing will ever go perfectly so how do we prepare for this eventuality. Many of us have a perfectionist mindset and often procrastinate, avoid action or work ourselves to the bone to try and erase any potential failures. And something still goes wrong.

Murphy’s Law states “anything that can go wrong, will.”

While not a definite, it encourages us to plan for all of the obvious ways something will fail. What that usually means though is that something we didn’t foresee will go wrong instead. It is the nature of the universe and no amount of perfectionism, procrastination and excessive work hours will identify and solve every single way something could go wrong.

Embracing failure

Our relationship with failure is a key indicator of how we manage stress in the workplace.

Interviewer: “Tell us about a time you failed?”

How not to answer:

• Which time? (awkward chuckle)

• I don’t fail. (awkward silence)

• Blank stare because you weren’t prepared for this question. (peak awkwardness)

I have seen all of the above responses play out in an interview and lets just say anyone who answers in those 3 ways doesn’t get the job.

Last week I had a conversation with a client about being prepared for this question in an interview. She said she hated the question because in her experience people only see failure as something to be feared and it seemed like a gotcha question.

I love asking this in interviews and here’s why. The answer demonstrates how mature you are professionally. Answering in any of the above ways demonstrates a potentially unhealthy relationship with failure. Where as a prospective employee who structures an answer that shows a growth mindset, ability to pivot and openness to change is a strong candidate in any room. Bonus points if you are able to turn the failure into a positive outcome.

I have used the ‘Improvement Plan’ failure in interviews before, even when not directly asked about failure. I see it as a keep growth point in my ability to communicate across multiple levels in an organisation. I learnt the importance of tailoring your messaging to the right audience members to get the best results. As a leader the higher you go the much broader range of influence you have in an organisation. It’s important to get the message out in a way that everyone will understand it.

How failure impacts psychosocial safety.

Psychosocial safety in the workplace is becoming more of a focus as we look to understand the impact stress and burnout can have on overall productivity and culture. One of the key components in a safe workspace is how the organisation responds to failure. As leaders, we need to accept that failure is inevitable and ensure our reactions to it are not creating an unsafe environment for ourselves and those around us.

As leaders how do we create a safe workplace psychosocially.

• Staff need to feel they can speak up without backlash identifying risks or failures.

  When staff speak up early to identify hazards, risk mitigation can be put in place. The more you respond in a negative way to failure, the less likely staff are to feel comfortable pointing out risks or owning up to mistakes.

• Leaders need to view failure from a place of curiosity instead of fear.

  When leaders lash out with frustration, anger, and in extreme cases threats and abuse when things go wrong you are leading with fear. Even if this brings about change to mitigate the failure in future, you have built a culture around fear, isolating team members and inducing a negative workplace which people don’t want to be part of.

  Approaching failure from a place of curiosity instead, encourages improvement, identifies gaps and allows people to feel heard. Next time there is a failure in the team, instead of getting worried or annoyed, instead ask some questions of yourself or the team.

  • Why did the failure occur?

  • Do we have a procedure?

  • Was the procedure followed?

  • Why wasn’t the procedure followed?

  • Is the procedure fit for purpose or unreasonable?

A healthy relationship with failure

As a leader, others look to you in the face of failure and your initial reaction will set the tone for the initial resolution and ongoing culture of the work environment. While it is important for you to accept that not everything will go to plan, how you react to the failure will be how people remember you. People who respond with aggression, frustration, blaming others or other emotional reactions aer focused on the impact the failure has on them. They are worried it could result in a reprimand, loss of work, damaged reputation and more. Leaders who remain calm, supportive and decisive will encourage that behaviour from those around them.

Remember: Failure will happen but the sooner a mistake or failure is identified the easier it is to resolve.

Don’t get me wrong, you are allowed to be disappointed. Disappointment is almost as inevitable as failure. It is how you use that disappointment to improve for next time. It is how you lean in to that failure to understand what you could do differently.

Practice makes perfect better.

Take action: Next time you ‘fail’ take it as an opportunity for growth and learning rather than a set back.

Key Takeaway: There are several techniques you can use to build self-belief. Stop procrastinating and try one today.

In today’s professional landscape, technical expertise alone is not enough to thrive in leadership, especially as a woman. Confidence, resilience, and the ability to trust in one’s own value are crucial traits that set successful leaders apart. Yet for many women in leadership roles, self-doubt remains a persistent companion.

Research has shown that even accomplished women can struggle to internalise their success. A 2020 study published by KPMG revealed that over 75% of female executives reported experiencing imposter syndrome at some point in their careers. Doubting your own worth and skills quietly eats away at you, standing in the way of progress, promotion and growth.

So how do we fight back against this internal struggle? I have collated a couple of psychology based tools here that can be used to build confidence.

Word of warning, constantly looking to add more ‘tools to your toolbelt’ is not a magic pill to being a stronger leader. Pick one that resonates with you and consider how you can incorporate small changes into your already busy day.

Understand Where Self-Doubt Comes From

Before building self-belief, it’s important to recognise where doubt originates. Dr Valerie Young, an expert on imposter syndrome, outlines that high achievers often attribute success to luck, timing, or external factors rather than their own capabilities. This mindset creates a fragile foundation for leadership, as external validation becomes the only measure of worth.

Self-belief and confidence isn’t about being fearless. It’s about recognising the toxic thoughts that fuel self-doubt and learning to move past them. Awareness is the first step towards creating real, repeatable confidence.

Adopt a Growth Mindset

Dr Carol Dweck’s pioneering research at Stanford University on growth mindset shows that how we perceive our abilities dramatically impacts our potential. Those with a fixed mindset believe their talents are innate and unchangeable, leading them to avoid challenges and fear failure. In contrast, a growth mindset encourages viewing abilities as skills that can be developed through effort and learning.

For women in leadership, cultivating a growth mindset means reframing setbacks as opportunities rather than personal failures. It shifts the focus from “Am I good enough?” to “What did I learn from this?” This small but powerful change builds resilience and continuous development, two essential ingredients for long-term success as a leader.

Strengthen Your Leadership Presence

Research from social psychologist Amy Cuddy highlights the connection between body language and self-perception. In her studies, adopting open, expansive postures, known as “power poses”, was linked to increased feelings of confidence and reduced stress levels.

Leadership presence is about more than commanding a room; it’s about aligning how you feel internally with how you present externally. Simple practices such as maintaining strong posture, making deliberate eye contact, and speaking with measured pauses help project confidence, not only to others but to yourself. When your body language reinforces your sense of competence, it creates a feedback loop that strengthens self-belief from the inside out.

Normalise Discomfort

Stepping out of our comfort zone feels uncomfortable but that’s not a sign you’re doing anything wrong. Neuroscience research shows that when we engage in new, challenging behaviours, the brain initially perceives them as threats. Over time, with repetition, these behaviours feel more natural as new neural pathways are strengthened.

Normalising discomfort means understanding that feelings of fear or uncertainty are a natural part of growth. Instead of interpreting these feelings as a sign you are out of your depth, recognise them as evidence you are expanding your capabilities. Confidence doesn’t come before action. It grows because of it.

Focus on Internal Validation

Often, confidence stems from whose opinion you prioritise. Dr Kristin Neff’s research on self-compassion highlights that grounding your self-worth internally, rather than relying exclusively on external praise, builds more stable confidence.

Celebrating private wins reinforces intrinsic motivation and self-trust. Whether it’s delivering a tough conversation with empathy, taking a risk on a new idea, or mentoring a junior colleague, acknowledging these leadership moments for yourself nurtures the foundation of true self-belief.

Practical Steps to Strengthen Self-Belief Today

If you are ready to start building self-belief intentionally, try implementing one of these small but impactful actions:

1. Document your achievements: Keep a journal where you record wins, feedback received, and challenges you have overcome. This creates a good reminder of your skills as well as being a great place to start when applying for a promotion or asking for a pay rise.

2. Reframe failure: When faced with a challenge or mistake, practice asking: “What did I learn from this?” or “How would I do that differently next time?” rather than defaulting to self-criticism.

3. Focus on growth, not perfection: Embrace opportunities that stretch you, even if you don’t feel 100% ready. Growth happens on the edge of discomfort, not inside your comfort zone.

4. Surround yourself with cheerleaders: Build a network of peers, mentors, and resources that reflect a growth-oriented, empowering approach to leadership development. Podcasts are a great place to start.

Confidence is a Muscle, it won’t get strong if you don’t exercise it.

The most effective leaders aren’t those who never feel doubt. They are those who have learned to lead despite it. Self-belief is not something you either have or you don’t; it’s a skill that can be cultivated, strengthened, and deepened at every stage of your career.

Take Action: Pick one practical step to try this week to help silence that self doubt.

If you don’t know where to start, I am already cheering you on. Reach out if you need a pep talk.

Key Takeaway: You will never get it perfect. It is more important to learn from every attempt.

One of the most common blocks I see in high-level leadership is perfectionism. We often wear our perfectionism as a badge of honour, believing it is the reason for our success. In truth, perfectionism is a shield. It is a way to protect ourselves from the pain of judgment or the shame of being “wrong.”

In a leadership context, perfectionism is a liability. It leads to micromanagement, delayed decision-making, and sometimes even burnout. If you are waiting for a project or report to be 100% perfect before you sign off, you are actually hindering progress and operating from a place of fear, not excellence.

Done is Better than Perfect

I am going to share with you one of the best pieces of advice I ever received as a mid-level employee. I had moved away from operations and was working in enterprise strategy at the time. The team alongside me had been tasked to draft the new ‘blueprint’ for the organisation which seemed like a mammoth task to someone who had just moved into the world of corporate strategy. I wanted to learn from those of my peers that were pulling it together so I asked how you even start going about such a task. What Toby said to me I have never forgotten and I have passed it on to many people who were struggling with perfectionism. I also tell my team this all the time when they are drafting or designing things for me.

“Give them the turd, because they will polish it anyway.” Toby.

It seems controversial and yes it is a little crass but stick with me. He explained that anything we write at our level on a document as important as the corporate strategy was going to cross so many desks on its way to the top boss for consideration. Every single person who read the document was going to add their spin, their expertise, their style. There was no way we could predict what all of those changes would be so there was no point trying to second guess ourselves.

I saw this in action as a newly promoted public servant working in the team. I drafted my first set of Talking Points for the head of the organisation. I sent it to my supervisor for review and sending up the chain. I was nervous to get feedback on the work that I had done. My supervisor made sure she took the time to talk me through the changes she had made so that I could understand them and improve for next time. Then it happened. She sent her version to her boss, who then changed it again. What she changed it to seemed to be quite similar to my original version, we had used some of the same words and phrases. When I read it I saw the truth. No one gets it 100% perfect. No doubt it was changed several more times on its way to the top office. I learnt a valuable lesson in the imperfect.

The Imperfect Leader

As leaders we need to flip the narrative on perfectionism as well. When we demand teams to get things perfect every time, we are setting them up to fail every time. This expectation of perfection builds stress, anxiety and encourages extreme work hours as they try and read what is in our minds. While we can be clear in our instructions to get jobs done, no one else will complete the task in the same way you would. Leaders then step into one of two modes to manage this, micromangement or doing it themselves. Neither is productive or effective.

Perfectionism doesn’t just apply to management of tasks. A lot of leaders struggle struggle to communicate with their teams, have difficult conversations and provide helpful feedback because they fear getting it wrong.

Just yesterday I had a call where a mid-level manager explained all the things she had done to try and manage a conflict between team members and asked me, “What did I do right and what did I do wrong?” But there is no ‘perfect’ way to have these conversations in any scenario. Each person will respond differently to conversations, so even if you managed to do an excellent job managing the last conflict, it will be unlikely that you will be able to achieve the same result with the exact same approach. The important thing about engaging with staff, colleagues and others in the workplace is keeping a growth mindset. Being open to others ideas, opinions and expertise while learning from each interaction. Every experience you have will help shape and guide you in the next conversation.

No leader is Perfect

If you think of the best leader you have ever worked with, they would still not have gotten everything right. It may be helpful for you to do some reflection or ask someone else who worked with them about their leadership. Did others experience the same way you did? What were they not good at? What was it about their leadership that resonated with you, and how you could try and incorporate it into your own style?

Failure is uncomfortable - but necessary.

As women we have the tendency to be people pleasers and perfectionists. This leads us to never want to start something or move on to something new without feeling like we will be good at it. Failure was not welcomed or encouraged when we were young. Exploring, getting dirty, taking risks were not encouraged. So instead we learnt to be careful, to be precise, to be perfect. But growth does not come from perfect. Trying to be perfect does not allow us the space to fail. Does not give us the room to grow. Failing is part of the journey.

We must move from “Perfectionism” and instead focus on “Constant Improvement.” This means accepting that you won’t always get it right and that there are several other ways of attempting the same thing. Often there is no right way, just the best way you could have done it at the time. Modern leadership requires the agility to pivot, reflect and review to stop us from becoming stale micromanagers that are completely inflexible.

Take Action: Instead of striving for perfection, reflect on what you did well and what you can improve on for next time.

Key takeaway: Confidence is a practice that you have control over. By taking action even when you feel diffident, you will build that confidence you are looking for.

The glass ceiling has been defined the metaphorical barrier that prevents women from being promoted to leadership positions. However, even as this barrier slowly disintegrates through cultural and generational change there are still women who are unable to take up the opportunities as they become more available. In the conversations I am having with women this sounds like ‘I need more confidence’, ‘I’m not ready’, or ‘I couldn’t take that opportunity because…’. These thoughts are keeping women trapped in lower positions, roles they hate, jobs they are overqualified for and work that doesn’t keep them growing professionally. If you’re a woman who has heard herself say this before, doing the work to break down these thoughts will open up so many opportunities that you would never have considered taking before.

First, this isn’t about fixing women. It’s about helping individuals recognise the thoughts and beliefs that have been instilled by the societal glass ceiling. Thoughts that aren’t true. Often these thoughts we carry are repeating the words we were told from a young age. A time where the opportunities and expectations of women were different; but as each generation moves into the workforce there is a shift towards something different.

I had a recent conversation with Sam* about taking on a short-term promotion into middle management. She was not going to even consider it as an opportunity for her because she wouldn’t be able to do it the same way the current person was doing it. For Sam, she felt she wasn’t ready to take on that role and didn’t even have the confidence to talk to her boss to see if she would be considered for it.

The confidence myth.

Confidence is defined as having a belief or trust in your own abilities. That’s it. There is no magical serum that can increase confidence. It’s positive thoughts about yourself and your ability to face the situation. What we often mistake as a lack of confidence is actually fear. Fear of rejection, fear of humiliation, usually this can all be summed up to the fear of being judged others. Fear then moves our brains into fight/flight/freeze mode to protect us from the perceived danger causing fear. By failing to act if we move into flight or freeze, we create a pattern of behaviour that keeps us believing we have no confidence. This cycle continues to hold us back, while we wait for the confidence to arrive.

The fight/flight/freeze response is your brain reacting to keep you safe from the perceived danger. This was very helpful when we were fighting off vicious sabretooth tigers. It is less helpful now when we are in the workplace. It could be a meeting, a project or my personal hell, the email I don’t want to read because it will make me uncomfortable. Your natural protection mechanisms kick in to keep you safe. Ask yourself what is the worst-case scenario? If it doesn’t involve being eaten by a hungry tiger it is probably not as dangerous as your brain is telling you it is.

If we consider Sam from above, she is worried she won’t be able to do it the same way it is currently being done. She was also too afraid to even discuss the opportunity with her boss. During our conversation I asked, “What’s the worst outcome?” Sam said that she was worried she would do a terrible job and be fired. Her boss probably already thinks she is not good enough for the role. Both possible but unlikely scenarios. Sam won’t know how well she will do or what her boss thinks until she acts.

Know your worth

Here is the hard truth, you are not going to be good at everything. We all have our own combination of skills, knowledge and experience which gives use a unique outlook an a problem or situation. This is where our strengths lie. When we start to see this combination as a strength we can feel more ‘confident’ in our own abilities.

This will not come easily at first. We are often blind to our own strengths. It is easier to believe positive things about others than about ourselves. If you are unsure where to start, listen to the feedback of others, read performance reviews or think about what people come to you for help. You can always ask some people close to you what they see your strengths are.

Once you know what your unique value add is, you can then start to understand where you can apply it. You don’t need to speak up in every meeting or have the answer to every question. Instead speak up when the area is something you already have the experience or knowledge in. If you have a background in governance but are not so great at finance, then lean in when governance is discussed and ask questions of or refer to others who have the finance skills.

For Sam, comparing herself to others is keeping her stuck. Instead, she needed to recognise that she won’t do it the same as the current person in the role. Sam has her own unique skills she would bring to the promotion which will lead her to make different decisions, have different conversations and likely have different outcomes. Together we did some quick work to understand what her strengths are and how they might benefit her in the new role. With this she was able to incorporate this into her discussions with her boss about potentially taking on the role.

Build confidence through action.

Now that we have started to identify our unique worth and recognise that fear, most likely of what others think of us, is the real problem and not a lack of confidence, how do we move past it?

Let’s go back to the definition of Confidence to work out how to break this cycle. If confidence is believing in and trusting yourself, let that guide you. If you speak up, trust that you will say something valuable. If you make a decision, trust that you will make the right one at the right time. If you take on a promotion, trust that you will learn how to do the work along the way.

Start small. It isn’t about forcing yourself to speak up in every single meeting to prove yourself. If you know what your strengths are, you can speak up when that experience is required.

When you take these actions, you will learn to believe in yourself more. As your belief in yourself grows, so will your confidence. This breaks through the needing more confidence thought cycle and instead starts building a new confidence building cycle of recognising the fear, acting anyway, building trust in your own abilities and therefore building confidence.

For Sam, this looked like not just putting her hand up to take on the temporary promotion (and get it) but to sit confidently in that role knowing that she was going to do it a little differently but that she had the support of her boss to do so.

Things to remember:

• Confidence is not tangible, people aren’t born with it, it is something you build for yourself.

• Confidence is not a constant, there will be times where you feel less confident. This can be impacted by a few different internal and external factors for example hormones or audience. If you continue to act, despite the fear, the confidence will return.

• Be kind to yourself. You will get things wrong, you won’t have all the answers, all of those fears could come true. The important thing is to learn from the experience and to trust that you will do it differently next time.

Take Action:

So next time you hear yourself thinking, “I need more confidence,” acknowledge the fear behind this thought. Ask yourself what is the worst thing that could happen? Then take that next step anyway and remember you are building that confidence you want.