The Glass Ceiling Within: Identifying your Number 1 Block to Leadership Confidence
Key takeaway: Confidence is a practice that you have control over. By taking action even when you feel diffident, you will build that confidence you are looking for.
The glass ceiling has been defined the metaphorical barrier that prevents women from being promoted to leadership positions. However, even as this barrier slowly disintegrates through cultural and generational change there are still women who are unable to take up the opportunities as they become more available. In the conversations I am having with women this sounds like ‘I need more confidence’, ‘I’m not ready’, or ‘I couldn’t take that opportunity because…’. These thoughts are keeping women trapped in lower positions, roles they hate, jobs they are overqualified for and work that doesn’t keep them growing professionally. If you’re a woman who has heard herself say this before, doing the work to break down these thoughts will open up so many opportunities that you would never have considered taking before.
First, this isn’t about fixing women. It’s about helping individuals recognise the thoughts and beliefs that have been instilled by the societal glass ceiling. Thoughts that aren’t true. Often these thoughts we carry are repeating the words we were told from a young age. A time where the opportunities and expectations of women were different; but as each generation moves into the workforce there is a shift towards something different.
I had a recent conversation with Sam* about taking on a short-term promotion into middle management. She was not going to even consider it as an opportunity for her because she wouldn’t be able to do it the same way the current person was doing it. For Sam, she felt she wasn’t ready to take on that role and didn’t even have the confidence to talk to her boss to see if she would be considered for it.
The confidence myth.
Confidence is defined as having a belief or trust in your own abilities. That’s it. There is no magical serum that can increase confidence. It’s positive thoughts about yourself and your ability to face the situation. What we often mistake as a lack of confidence is actually fear. Fear of rejection, fear of humiliation, usually this can all be summed up to the fear of being judged others. Fear then moves our brains into fight/flight/freeze mode to protect us from the perceived danger causing fear. By failing to act if we move into flight or freeze, we create a pattern of behaviour that keeps us believing we have no confidence. This cycle continues to hold us back, while we wait for the confidence to arrive.
The fight/flight/freeze response is your brain reacting to keep you safe from the perceived danger. This was very helpful when we were fighting off vicious sabretooth tigers. It is less helpful now when we are in the workplace. It could be a meeting, a project or my personal hell, the email I don’t want to read because it will make me uncomfortable. Your natural protection mechanisms kick in to keep you safe. Ask yourself what is the worst-case scenario? If it doesn’t involve being eaten by a hungry tiger it is probably not as dangerous as your brain is telling you it is.
If we consider Sam from above, she is worried she won’t be able to do it the same way it is currently being done. She was also too afraid to even discuss the opportunity with her boss. During our conversation I asked, “What’s the worst outcome?” Sam said that she was worried she would do a terrible job and be fired. Her boss probably already thinks she is not good enough for the role. Both possible but unlikely scenarios. Sam won’t know how well she will do or what her boss thinks until she acts.
Know your worth
Here is the hard truth, you are not going to be good at everything. We all have our own combination of skills, knowledge and experience which gives use a unique outlook an a problem or situation. This is where our strengths lie. When we start to see this combination as a strength we can feel more ‘confident’ in our own abilities.
Remember: Being you is your superpower.
This will not come easily at first. We are often blind to our own strengths. It is easier to believe positive things about others than about ourselves. If you are unsure where to start, listen to the feedback of others, read performance reviews or think about what people come to you for help. You can always ask some people close to you what they see your strengths are.
Once you know what your unique value add is, you can then start to understand where you can apply it. You don’t need to speak up in every meeting or have the answer to every question. Instead speak up when the area is something you already have the experience or knowledge in. If you have a background in governance but are not so great at finance, then lean in when governance is discussed and ask questions of or refer to others who have the finance skills.
For Sam, comparing herself to others is keeping her stuck. Instead, she needed to recognise that she won’t do it the same as the current person in the role. Sam has her own unique skills she would bring to the promotion which will lead her to make different decisions, have different conversations and likely have different outcomes. Together we did some quick work to understand what her strengths are and how they might benefit her in the new role. With this she was able to incorporate this into her discussions with her boss about potentially taking on the role.
Build confidence through action.
Now that we have started to identify our unique worth and recognise that fear, most likely of what others think of us, is the real problem and not a lack of confidence, how do we move past it?
Let’s go back to the definition of Confidence to work out how to break this cycle. If confidence is believing in and trusting yourself, let that guide you. If you speak up, trust that you will say something valuable. If you make a decision, trust that you will make the right one at the right time. If you take on a promotion, trust that you will learn how to do the work along the way.
“When someone offers you an opportunity, say yes and work out how you will do it later.”
Sir Richard Branson
Start small. It isn’t about forcing yourself to speak up in every single meeting to prove yourself. If you know what your strengths are, you can speak up when that experience is required.
When you take these actions, you will learn to believe in yourself more. As your belief in yourself grows, so will your confidence. This breaks through the needing more confidence thought cycle and instead starts building a new confidence building cycle of recognising the fear, acting anyway, building trust in your own abilities and therefore building confidence.
For Sam, this looked like not just putting her hand up to take on the temporary promotion (and get it) but to sit confidently in that role knowing that she was going to do it a little differently but that she had the support of her boss to do so.
Things to remember:
Confidence is not tangible, people aren’t born with it, it is something you build for yourself.
Confidence is not a constant, there will be times where you feel less confident. This can be impacted by a few different internal and external factors for example hormones or audience. If you continue to act, despite the fear, the confidence will return.
Be kind to yourself. You will get things wrong, you won’t have all the answers, all of those fears could come true. The important thing is to learn from the experience and to trust that you will do it differently next time.
Take Action:
So next time you hear yourself thinking, “I need more confidence,” acknowledge the fear behind this thought. Ask yourself what is the worst thing that could happen? Then take that next step anyway and remember you are building that confidence you want.